a  I  B  R.A  FlY 

OF  THE 
U  N  I  VERS  ITY 
or  ILLINOIS 

PRLSENTLD  BY 
Professor 
Harold  N.  Hillebrand 
1948 

\T6 
L6I 


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University  of  Illinois  Library 


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L161  — 


O-1096 


A  LIBERAL  CODE 
OF 

SEXUAL  ETHICS 


BY 

Ei.  S.  S. 


PRINTED  FOR  PRIVATE  CIRCVLATTON 
SOLD  BY  SmSCRIPTION  ONLY 


cj|l..n,|c.iitu.jHbiiLi5iiiyitis];Liij)li^|[fc]llg||ig]|^^ 


Some  of  the  Publications  of 
THE  CRITIC  AND  GUIDE  CO. 

1^  Mount  Morris  Park,  West,  New  York,  N.  Y. 

All  Books  not  otherwise  marked  are  hj 
Dr.  Wm.  J.  Robinson 

A  Practical  Treatise  on  the  Causes,  Symptoms  anb 
Treatment  of  Sexual  Impotence  and  Other  Sex- 
ual Disorders  in  Men  and  Women  $4.00 

Treatment  op  Gonorrhea  and  Its  Complications  in 

Men  and  Women  3.00 

Married  Life  and  Happiness  3.00 

Woman:  Her  Sex  and  Love  Life  3.00 

Sexual  Problems  of  To-day   2.00 

Sex  Knowledge  for  Men  2.00 

Sex  Knowledge  for  Women   1.50 

Never  Told  Tales   1.50 

Stories  op  Love  and  Life   1.50 

Birth  Control  or  Limitation  op  Offspring  bt  the 

Prevention  op  Conception   1.50 

Sex  Morality — Past,  Present  and  Future  1.50 

Eugenics  and  Marriage   1.50 

•Sexual  Truths   4.00 

Prescription  Incompatibilities  8.00 

The  Critic  and  Guidb 
Monthly :  $2.00  a  year ;  Single  Copies,  25c. 

The  Sexual  Crisis.    Meisel-Hess  $3.00 

Population  and  Birth  Control:  A  Symposium  8.00 

Small  or  Large  Families.  Drysdale  and  Havelock  Ellis  1.60 

•Stekel's  Essays  on  Sex  and  Psychanalysis  8.00 

Woman  from  Bondage  to  Freedom.  Ralcy  Busted  Bell  2.50 

•Some  Aspects  op  Adultery.   Ralcy  Busted  Bell  2.00 

♦A  Liberal  Code  op  Sexual  Ethics.   E.  S.  S  1.60 

Uncontrolled  Breeding.    More   1.00 

Pioneers  of  Birth  Control.   Dr.  Victor  Robinson. ,  1.00 
Heredity,  Disease  and  Evolution.    Prof.  B.  Ribbert.  2.00 
Dr.  a.  Jacobi's  Complete  Works.   Edited  by  Dr.  Rob- 
inson.   S  volumes  20.00 


Books  marked  with  an  *  are  sold  by  subscription  only  to 
members  of  the  professions  and  to  special  students  of  sex- 
ology.   Not  obtainable  in  book  stores. 


Copyright,  1935, 

Bt  the  critic  and  guide  go. 


CONTENTS 

Foreword  by  the  Editor 
Introduction 

The  Fundamental  Basis  of  Moralitt 

Masturbation 

Illicit  Sex  Relations 

Extramarital  Relations 

The  Double  Standard 

Divorce 

Alimony 

Unnatural  Methods  op  Coirut 
Homosexual  Relations 
Incest 

prevenceptiok 
Abortion 
Prostitution 
Illegitimate  Childrxw 
The  Home 
Conclusion 


FOREWORD  BY  THE  EDITOR 


I  sent  out  a  questionnaire  on  Sexual 
Ethics  to  a  number  of  liberal-minded 
people.  I  presented  to  them  a  number 
of  problems  which  confront  the  modern 
man  and  woman  and  asked  them  to  give 
me  their  frank  opinion  as  to  how  they 
would  solve  them.  I  asked  them  to  an- 
swer frankly  and  honestly  or  not  at  all. 
If  for  certain  reasons  they  did  not  care  to 
write  their  honest  thoughts  under  their 
own  names  they  could  write  pseudo- 
nymously  or  anonymously.  The  best  and 
most  complete  essay  that  has  been  re- 
ceived is  the  one  that  I  take  extreme 
pleasure  in  publishing  herewith.  I  be- 
speak for  it  a  careful  reading.  Those  who 
are  not  familiar  with  the  liberal  viewpoint 
on  many  of  our  vexing  sex  problems  will 
find  that  viewpoint  well  presented  in  this 
essay. 


vi  FOREWORD  BY  THE  EDITOR 


I  did  not  send  the  questionnaire  to 
reactionary  theologians  masquerading 
under  the  guise  of  sexologists,  nor  to 
those  extremists  who  suffer  from  a  sex 
complex.  Neither  the  former  nor  the  lat- 
ter can  help  us  in  solving  the  sex  problems 
which  confront  ninety  per  cent,  of  man* 
kind.  — W.  J.  R. 


A  LIBERAL  CODE  OF  SEXUAL 


N  any  discussion  one  has  always  a 


desire  to  know  to  what  extent  the 


^  ^  writer  may  have  looked  into  his 
subject  and  upon  what  study  and  experi- 
ence he  bases  his  conclusions.  This  is  a 
proper  desire  and  it  is  unfortunate  that 
we  have  too  great  a  tendency  to  accept 
any  plausible  solution  if  only  the  pro- 
ponent displays  sufficient  confidence  in 
his  own  opinions.  There  is  also  a  tradi- 
tion whereby  we  assume  that  if  the  writer 
has  a  sufficiently  wide  reputation  in  some 
branch  of  learning  then  his  authority  must 
apply  equally  in  a  field  to  which  he  may 
be  even  more  of  a  stranger  than  his  reader. 
It  is  indeed  to  be  regretted  that  we  are 
not  more  critical  of  our  authorities.  The 
professor  of  mathematics  may  know  a 


ETHICS. 


Introduction. 


7 


8  INTRODUCTION 


great  deal  about  the  industrial  problem 
provided  he  has  made  a  fair  and  impreju- 
diced  examination  of  it,  but  his  doctorate 
in  mathematics  does  not  carry  any  weight 
in  reference  to  the  industrial  problem.  It 
is  a  common  jest  that  the  professor  can 
not  add  correctly  and  also  his  opinions  on 
labor  may  be  merely  those  of  a  not  too 
humorous  mortal  preplexed  by  the  prob- 
lem of  keeping  a  cook. 

In  a  similar  way  physicians  are  sup^ 
posed  to  know  all  about  sexology.  One 
need  confer  with  very  few  to  discover  that 
their  actual  knowledge  is  usually  confined 
to  obstettrics  and  in  sexology  they  are 
often  as  ignorant  and  as  bigoted  as  a 
fanatical  clerg3nman.  Neither  has  looked 
up  the  literature  which  modern  sexology 
has  produced  and  his  opinions  are  little 
mare  if  as  important,  as  those  of  any 
good  natured  policeman. 

Not  that  I  would  insist  that  no  one  may 
speak  who  has  not  studied  his  Havelock 
Ellis,  Ellen  Key,  Crete  Meisel-Hess, 
Bloch  and  Freud.    "Out  of  the  mouths 


INTRODUCTION  9 


of  babes  and  sucklings"  one  often  gets,  if 
not  an  illuminated  opinion,  at  least  a 
natural  and  often  commonsense  one.  But 
that  occasional  pat  remark  of  the  wholly 
iminformed  is  hardly  a  sufficient  reason 
for  accepting  all  such  remarks  as  valid. 
It  seems  unfair  to  make  a  presumption  in 
favor  of  ignorance  or  to  assume  knowl- 
edge in  this  field  merely  because  the 
speaker  is  known  to  have  a  good  training 
in  some  other.  It  seems  only  just  that 
any  one  who  chooses  to  write  on  sexual 
problems  should  have  studied  at  least  the 
writers  mentioned  above.  And  he  will  be 
still  far  from  justified  in  being  dogmatical 
even  if  he  has  supplemented  his  reading 
with  first  hand  sympathetic  and  humble 
observations  of  his  fellow  men.  Given  a 
sufficiently  quick  sympathy,  some  humil- 
ity, and  a  not  too  easily  nauseated  deli- 
cacy, he  may  if  he  can  win  the  confidence 
of  his  fellows  learn  much  upon  which  he 
may  base  some  tentative  conclusions.  But 
in  the  presence  of  almost  any  definite 
problem,  though  he  may  be  willing  to  sug- 


10  INTRODUCTION 


gest,  certainly  he  will  never  presume  to 
command.  Nor  will  his  judgments  far 
exceed  in  definiteness  the  Nazarene*s  ref- 
erence to  the  first  stone. 

The  present  writer  makes  no  claim  to 
authority.  He  has  studied  his  problem 
over  a  good  many  years  and  has  a  fair 
working  knowledge  of  what  has  been  dis- 
covered by  other  students.  He  has  had 
some,  perhaps  unusual  opportunities  to 
get  at  the  motives  and  impulses  of  his  fel- 
low men.  But  in  every  case  where  he 
writes  "it  is  obvious/'  or  *'it  is  true'*  the 
reader  is  quite  justified  in  supplying  the 
word  "seems."  All  I  can  do  is  to  bear 
witness  according  as  my  study  and  oppor- 
tunities in  life  have  led  me  to  some  an- 
swers. Whether  this  answer  applies  to 
my  neighbor's  problem  I  can  not  say.  To 
me  it  would  seem  worth  a  trial,  but  in  this 
field  there  are  no  immutable  laws,  no  pre- 
cise rules  everywhere  applicable,  and 
Alasl  no  panacea.  Nowhere  do  I  find 
any  substitute  for  faith  and  charity. 


The  Fundamental  Basis  of  Morality. 


"Virtue  is  the  mean  between  the  vice  of  excess 
and  the  vice  of  deficiency." — Aristotle. 

"  .  .  .  but  so  engrained  in  the  human  heart  is 
the  desire  to  believe  that  some  people  really  know 
what  they  say  they  know  and  can  thus  save  (us) 
from  the  trouble  of  thinking  for  ourselves"  .  .  . 
"Indeed  I  can  see  no  hope  for  the  Erewhonians  till 
they  have  got  to  understand  that  reason  uncor- 
rected by  instinct  is  as  bad  as  instinct  uncorrected 
by  reason." — Samuel  Butler. 

The  Editor  has  submitted  a  series  of 
questions  on  sexual  ethics  with  the  request 
that  they  be  answered  frankly,  without 
dodging  any  unpleasant  issues.  To  this 
discussion  the  writer  is  glad  to  contribute 
those  views  which  a  somewhat  liberal  ex- 
perience with  the  hearts  of  his  fellows  has 
evoked.  And  not  only  does  he  wish  to  be 
frank,  he  feels  it  a  duty  to  write  without 
regard  to  his  personal  tastes  or  preju- 
dices.  Nor  would  it  be  fair  to  write 

merely  in  accordance  with  what  one  be- 
ll 


12         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


lieves  to  be  ''proper  reading"  for  his  fel- 
low mortals  whom  we  in  our  vanity  always 
assume  to  be  less  developed  spiritually, 
less  well  self -controlled  than  our  own  un- 
usual selves.  Indeed  one  of  the  chief 
reasons  why  most  sex  discussions  are 
futile  is  that  we  hypocritically  assume 
that  we  may  allow  ourselves  a  good  deal 
of  leeway,  not  to  say  downright  sin,  but 
that  our  neighbor  must  be  carefully 
watched  and  limited  not  only  in  his  ac- 
tions, but  that  even  the  facts  of  life  must 
be  carefully  censored  before  they  are  pre- 
sented to  him  lest  he  draw  too  free  con- 
clusions and  so  go  astray.  As  the  Arabs 
say  when  a  shareef  (a  descendant  of 
Mohammed)  is  observed  violating  the  tra- 
dition: "such  things  may  be  all  very  well 
for  a  saint,  but  they  are  not  good  for  an 
ordinary  man."  Few  are  really  conscious 
of  this  pose,  but  a  little  introspection  will 
discover  it  in  the  best  of  us. 

Nor  can  one  always  be  free  from  mere 
covetousness.  We  may  not  like  to  admit 
the  fact  but  I  fear  that  is  the  correct  de- 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  13 

scription.  None  can  plead  'not  guilty'  to 
Butler's  jibe  at  those  who:  "Compound 
for  sins  they  are  inclined  to  by  damning 
those  they  have  no  mind  to."  We  do  that 
all  the  time  and  never  so  fervently  as  in 
matters  of  sex.  We  refuse  to  see  that 
most  of  our  moral  indignation,  our  self- 
righteousness,  has  no  better  foundation 
than  the  determination  to  see  that  our 
neighbor  does  not  enjoy  those  pleasures 
which  we  openly  condemn,  secretly  covet, 
but  in  which  either  our  opportunities  or 
our  moral  cowardice  prevent  us  from  in- 
dulging* Delude  ourselves  as  we  may, 
the  fact  remains  that  we  do  covet  every 
bit  of  pleasure  in  this  weary  old  world. 
And  when  a  man  is  struggling  with  an  un- 
satisfied libido — and  which  of  us  is  not? — 
he  may  be  expected  to  resent  any  indica- 
tion that  others  are  more  successful  than 
himself.  So  it  comes  about  that  nowhere 
do  we  indulge  in  so  many  rationalizations, 
so  much  self-deception  as  in  problems  of 
8CX.  Nowhere  do  we  have  so  complete  an 
arsenal  of  pious  disguises  with  which  to 


14         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


conceal  the  malicious  selfishness  of  our 
dirty  little  hearts. 

It  is  not  my  intention  to  try  to  lay  down 
a  system  of  ethics. 

No  system  of  ethics  has  as  yet  been 
developed  which  will  do  much  more  than 
indicate  a  general  direction  towards  which 
its  originator  felt  we  should  move  in  our 
effort  to  increase  the  happiness  of  the  race 
and  equally  of  the  individual.  In  fact 
ethical  systems  have  usually  satisfied  no 
one  but  the  proponent  and  have  been  of 
very  little  assistance  in  solving  the  con- 
crete problems  which  we  meet  in  daily  life. 
No  matter  how  illuminated  the  author,  his 
system  always  fails  to  meet  the  require- 
ments in  practical  application.  Shaw's 
remark  about  the  Golden  Rule  is  quite 
sound.  However  right  may  be  the  idea  of 
doing  to  your  neighbor  as  you  would  he 
should  do  unto  you,  the  literal  interpreta- 
tion usually  placed  upon  that  admonition 
needs  to  be  corrected  for  the  case  where 
your  neighbor's  tastes  are  different  from 
your  own.  In  other  words  the  system 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  15 


while  useful  as  indicating  a  possible  direc- 
tion of  advance  is  always  to  be  modified 
according  to  the  requirements  of  the  par- 
ticular circumstances. 

There  is  the  further  difficulty  in  ethical 
discussions  that  the  participants  therein 
seldom  understand  from  what  point  the 
discussion  started  or  to  what  end  it  hopes 
to  proceed.  With  that  in  mind  I  wish  to 
indicate  approximately  the  starting  point 
of  my  own  notions. 

I  am  unable  to  accept  asceticism  as  an 
end,  as  in  any  way  desirable  in  itself.  It 
may  at  times  be  good  discipline  for  such 
as  voltmtarily  adopt  it,  though  this  is 
often  not  the  case.  But  that  it  has  any 
virtue  in  itself  is  denied.  Let  me  illus- 
trate: We  often  see  a  person  who  sacri- 
fices his  whole  chance  for  happiness  in  life 
in  order  to  take  care  of  his  parents. 
Sometimes  his  parents  are  worthy  folk, 
sometimes  they  are  thoroughly  worthless. 
Tradition  says  a  person  should  care  for 
his  parents  in  their  old  age  and  it  is  cus- 
tomary to  praise  highly  those  who  make 


16         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

the  great  sacrifice  sometimes  demanded. 
Now  of  two  such  cases  one  person  goes 
ahead  living  a  sometimes  horrible  life  and 
yet  grows  spiritually,  becomes  more 
kindly,  more  useful  socially.  As  we  say 
he  keeps  sweet  and  happy  through  it  all. 
But  in  another  similar  case  the  victim 
grows  morose  and  bitter.  He  carries  his 
burden  loyally  but  with  a  complete  loss 
of  all  the  qualities  which  are  desirable 
either  for  himself  or  for  society.  Both 
have  been  thru  the  same  furnace,  both 
are  supposed  to  receive  the  same  reward, 
at  least  at  the  hands  of  their  neighbors, 
and  yet  one  was  spiritual  life  and  one 
spiritual  death  and  putrefaction.  As  I 
understand  it,  the  main  difficulty  lies  in 
the  fact  that  the  first  person  voluntarily 
accepted  his  burden.  His  parents  meant 
so  much  more  to  him  emotionally  than 
anything  else  the  world  had  to  offer  that 
his  trials  were  accepted  cheerfully.  In 
the  second  case  the  sacrifice  was  never 
voluntary,  however  much  self-deception 
the  victim  may  have  indulged  in  in  an 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  17 


effort  to  reconcile  himself  to  his  erroneous 
sense  of  duty.  The  result  was  corre* 
spondingly  bad.  In  other  words,  disci- 
pline and  self-denial  are  only  permissible 
when  the  object  sought  is  emotionally  a 
sufficient  object  for  the  person  in  question. 
Asceticism,  self-denial,  can  be  and  fre- 
quently is  as  unethical  as  uncontrolled 
self-indulgence.  Therefore  we  will  not 
consider  in  this  place  the  deductions  made 
by  the  traditionists  on  the  assumption  of 
divine  or  near-divine  revelation. 

I  shall  assume  that  man  is  an  animal, 
even  a  beast  if  you  like,  with  all  which  that 
assumption  implies.  I  assume  that  he 
needs  to  live  the  life  of  a  good  healthy 
beast  with  probably  a  number  of  require- 
ments which  a  good  animal  may  get  along 
very  well  without.  On  the  evidence  of  the 
bio-chemists  I  must  accept  that  a  man*s 
thoughts  and  emotions  are  determined 
partly  by  his  physico-chemical  reactions, 
by  his  metabolic  level,  as  reacting  on  his 
accidental  environment.  In  doing  this  I 
neither  aflSrm  nor  deny  the  existence  of 


18         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

what  the  traditionist  calls  the  spirit.  I 
shall  even  speak  of  the  spirit,  using  the 
word  in  its  popular  sense  without  com- 
mitting any  one  as  to  its  exact  meaning 
and  limitations.  In  time,  no  doubt,  the 
chemists  will  be  able  to  write  out  the 
physical  and  chemical  reactions  for  my 
views  say  on  the  First  Cause,  or  the  tariff. 
When  that  day  arrives  we  can  adopt  a 
more  precise  nomenclature,  but  until  then 
it  will  suffice  to  use  the  old  word  without 
implying  any  particular  limitations. 

In  this  discussion  we  are  also  assuming 
the  Freudian  hypothesis  as  to  the  nature 
of  the  mind  and  its  reactions.  However 
incomplete  that  hypothesis  may  be  it  has 
led  to  the  establishment  of  a  number  of 
vital  facts  in  the  matter  of  sex  and  its 
manifestations.  We  assume  with  Freud 
that  the  basis  of  all  activities  is  the  desire 
for  pleasure,  and  that  speaking  of  "pur- 
pose," divine  or  other,  in  relation  to  sex 
is  to  miss  the  main  source  of  action  and 
close  the  eyes  to  some  most  important 
facts.   It  is  immaterial  for  our  purposes 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  19 


whether  we  divide  human  instincts  into 
nutritional  and  sexual  or  whether  we 
lump  them  all  as  the  libido.  To  me  the 
distinction  seems  difficult  and  not  very 
illuminating.  The  evolutionist  neces- 
sarily goes  back  to  the  elementary  forms 
of  life  in  his  study  of  behavior  and 
in  its  simplest  manifestations  it  is  quite 
arbitrary  to  discriminate  between  the 
various  so-called  instincts.  For  example: 
does  an  amoeba  eat  in  order  to  grow  large 
enough  to  reproduce,  i.  e.,  divide?  Or 
does  it  find  its  bulk  interfering  with  its 
nutrition  or  excretion  and  so  divides,  i.  e., 
reproduces,  in  order  to  be  able  to  eat?  In 
passing  one  is  reminded  that  perhaps  the 
amoeba  runs  away  from  some  marauding 
Vampyrella  not  more  in  response  to  the 
''instinct  of  self-preservation"  than  be- 
cause it  is  unpleasant  to  have  its  toes 
nibbled.  In  other  words  it  is  entirely  pos- 
sible to  interpret  the  amoeba's  behavior 
on  the  basis  of  pleasure  seeking  without 
making  any  assumptions  or  placing  any 
limitations   on   the   amoeba's  possible 


20         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

psyche.  We  have  no  proof  that  the  lower 
organisms  are  essentially  different  from 
ourselves,  tho  we  have  indications  that 
they  do  not  need  some  capacities  which  we 
seem  to  possess.  And  the  assumption  that 
man  acts  as  he  does  because  it  is  more 
pleasant  to  do  so  is  entirely  in  accord  with 
our  observations  on  his  primitive  ances- 
tors. 

This  point  might  seem  irrelevant  in  dis- 
cussing practical  ethics,  but  as  a  matter 
of  fact  the  break  between  the  traditionist 
and  the  more  or  less  scientific  student  of 
ethics  occurs  usually  at  this  point.  To  the 
traditionist  seeking  a  purpose,  usually  a 
divine  one,  in  all  activities  and  with  a 
definite  prejudice  against  pleasure,  the 
criteria  of  ethics  rest  upon  certain  con- 
ventions, tribal  or  theological,  and  all 
cases  are  judged  by  their  approximation 
to  these  conventions.  Such  a  code  is  much 
too  inelastic  to  meet  the  daily  require- 
ments of  mankind  and  a  tremendous 
amount  of  quite  useless  and  imnecessary 
suffering  results. 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  21 

From  my  viewpoint  pain  is  a  thing  to 
be  obviated  wherever  possible.  The  ob- 
ject of  sound  ethics  would  seem  to  be 
rather  to  render  mankind  as  happy  as  ma}^ 
be  possible,  a  procedure  which  implies 
continuous  compromise  and  reconciliation 
of  divergent  interests.  Whatever  skill  we 
use  in  making  the  needful  compromises 
we  can  be  sure  that  we  will  never  attain 
to  a  really  just  or  reasonable  solution. 
One  can  but  do  his  best  with  the  facts  as 
he  meets  them.  Of  one  thing  we  can  be 
sure  and  that  is  that  in  even  our  least  suc- 
cessful efforts  in  the  way  of  consciously 
adapting  our  instincts  to  the  rights  of 
others,  we  will  cause  infinitely  less  harm 
and  suffering  than  we  would  by  trying  to 
stretch  each  case  to  fit  the  Procrustean 
bed  of  ascetic  tradition. 

As  a  legacy  from  the  old  ascetic  dogma 
we  have  in  large  measure  not  recovered 
from  the  idea  that  sex  was  shameful, 
filthy,  and  disgusting.  This  tradition 
makes  it  difficult  for  many  to  realize  that 
for  good  physical  and  spiritual  health  a 


22         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

more  or  less  regular  exercise  of  the  emo- 
tional nature  is  necessary.  The  fact  that 
certain  persons  are  alleged  to  have  re- 
mained chaste  thruout  a  long  and  useful 
life, — and  a  wise  man  accepts  such  state- 
ments with  several  grains  of  salt, — should 
not  lead  to  the  absurd  inference  that  all 
mankind  can  or  even  should  undertake 
any  such  regimen.  It  is  far  from  estab- 
lished that  mankind  as  a  whole  would  be 
better  or  happier  for  any  such  procedure. 
It  may  even  be  doubted  whether  mankind 
would  survive  a  generation  of  such  color- 
less and  strained  existence.  We  now  have 
ample  proof  that  most  of  the  nervous 
wreckage  is  due  to  a  faulty  adaptation, 
misunderstanding  or  denial  of  the  sex  life. 

In  the  good  old  days  it  was  usual  to 
attribute  much  nervousness  to  sexual 
"excesses'*  and  the  literature  of  even  to- 
day is  full  of  much  well  meant  rubbish 
written  on  this  erroneous  basis.  I  do  not 
say  that  such  writers  were  conscious  hypo- 
crites, but  few  were  self -critical  enough  to 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  23 


discover  that  they  had  mistaken  their 
personal  tastes  for  the  laws  of  nature. 
None  seems  to  have  known  himself  or  his 
neighbor  intimately  enough  to  realize  how 
difficult  it  is  to  define  excess.  No  one  will 
deny  that  excess  of  anything  is  or  ought 
to  be  injurious,  but  we  now  know  that  we 
can  not  define  excess  except  with  refer- 
ence to  a  particular  case  and  even  then  a 
wise  man  will  not  be  dogmatic.  When  we 
learn  to  discriminate  between  the  results 
of  excesses  and  the  disturbances  which  a 
fear  of  such  remits  induces  we  may  be 
able  to  advance  a  little  past  our  present 
method  which  is  purely  one  of  trial  and 
error.  Meanwhile  one  can  not  do  better 
than  to  urge  a  moderation  which  we  very 
wisely  refuse  to  define.  For  example 
Luther's  "zweimal  in  der  Woche"  gives 
us  Luther's  requirements,  and  they  seem 
about  average,  but  that  is  all.  It  would 
be  bad  ethics,  since  it  would  undoubtedly 
lead  to  disaster,  to  advise  a  couple  to  fol- 
low Luther  when  their  actual  require- 
ments were  three  or  five  times  as  great. 


24         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


We  shall  assume  in  the  discussion  which 
follows  that  force  and  deceit  are  ethically 
inexcusable.  The  right  of  the  individual 
to  the  control  over  his  own  body  is  in  these 
matters  not  to  be  infringed.  Nevertheless 
it  is  worth  noting  that  while  one  cheerfully 
condenms  coercion — which  tradition  al- 
lows as  ethical  in  the  married  state — there 
are  frequent  cases  where  our  condemna- 
tion fails  to  hit  the  mark.  One  can  not 
approve  seduction  with  its  train  of  miser- 
able consequences,  neither  can  one  be 
dogmatic  about  it. 

For  example:  many  women  like  to  be 
physically  dominated  by  the  male,  a  few 
like  to  be  more  or  less  tortured.  A  satis- 
factory emotional  release  can  not  be 
secured  without  it.  It  is  of  course  recog- 
nized that  this  quality  is  honestly  inherited 
from  our  animal  ancestors.  In  these  cases 
the  use  of  force  is  ethically  sound  because 
it  is  desired.  Probably  many  cases  of 
alleged  rape  originated  in  the  inability  of 
the  far  from  judicially  minded  male  to 
distinguish  between  a  protest  which  is  real 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  25 


and  one  which  is  merely  meant  to  heighten 
the  general  necessary  excitement. 

Equally  it  is  unwise  to  condemn  off- 
hand the  aggressor  in  cases  of  seduction. 
The  phenomenon  has  to  start  somewhere 
and  usually  both  parties  are  more  or  less 
responsible.  If  complaint  is  made  it  is 
all  too  frequently  not  because  the  male 
was  impertinent  but  because  when  it  came 
to  a  show-down  the  woman  lost  her  nerve. 
The  following  case  presents  some  food  for 
thought.  A  youth  and  his  girl  are  carry- 
ing on  a  commonplace  flirtation  which 
ends  in  both  losing  their  heads.  Then 
(most  imusual)  the  lad  lost  his  nerve  (he 
thought  he  had  regained  his  moral  con- 
trol) and  refused  to  carry  the  perform- 
ance to  its  natural  culmination.  Now  a 
good  girl  should  have  admired  the  lad  for 
his  fine  strong  moral  character  and  his 
care  of  her.  Her  intuition  was,  however, 
sound  for  she  recognized  that  it  was  a 
case  of  "cold  feet'*  and  she  would  have  no 
more  to  do  with  the  poor  boy.  This  same 
lad  who  was  very  popular  with  the  girls 


26         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


repeated  this  performance  with  another 
girl  with  the  same  result.  The  girls  were 
not  girls  who  were  loose  at  all,  but  ap- 
parently they  were  hot-blooded  and  once 
having  decided  to  let  themselves  go  they 
could  not  regard  their  squeamish  partner 
as  any  man  at  all.  Well? 

This  case  leads  naturally  to  a  very  com- 
mon problem  of  the  adolescent.  Is  it 
right  to  be  first?  It  seems  to  be  univer- 
sally accepted  among  the  conscientious 
that  there  is  no  harm  in  "taking  a  slice  off 
a  cut  loaf.'*  I  have  no  answer  for  this 
problem  but  submit  a  few  points  which 
tho  they  be  mere  expedients  may  be 
worth  considering.  It  will  be  granted 
that  under  present  conditions,  if  a  girl 
can  reach  marriage  with  an  intact  hymen 
(assuming  that  she  had  one  to  begin  with) 
she  will  be  able  to  dodge  some  of  the  prob- 
lems which  her  more  robust  sister  must 
solve.  But  where  the  girl  is  naturally  hot- 
blooded  and  can  not  "be  good,"  the  course 
for  a  conscientious  man  would  seem  fairly 
clear.    He  can,  of  course,  organize  his 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  27 


will  power  and  refuse  to  lead  the  willing 
victim  astray.  But  this  merely  leaves  the 
thing  for  some  other  less  scrupulous  man 
to  do.  Would  it  be  wise  if  the  man  met 
the  requirements  and  then  saw  to  it  that 
the  girl  was  properly  instructed  as  to  how 
to  care  for  herself,  how  to  protect  herself 
against  unscrupulous  men?  It  is  ad- 
mitted that  it  is  difficult,  under  present 
conditions,  for  a  woman  "who  has  sinned'* 
to  keep  her  self-respect,  to  realize  her  right 
to  sexuality,  and  upon  this  fact  the  un- 
scrupulous men  play  with  great  advantage 
and  for  wholly  selfish  ends.  For  that  rea- 
son the  solution  suggested  above  has  some 
advantages  since  the  alleged  conscientious 
man  can  and  usually  does  see  to  it  that 
the  girl  is  properly  educated  and  sup- 
ported morally  until  she  can  see  herself 
in  proper  perspective  and  feel  sure  of  her- 
self. Certainly  if  it  were  my  daughter  or 
sister  I  would  prefer  her  to  be  a  self- 
reliant  and  wise  person  rather  than  to 
have  her  develop  the  infinite  petty  mean- 
nesses which  starved  sexuality  produces. 


28         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

or  that  brassy  cynicism  which  is  so  com- 
mon in  the  faces  of  the  girl  of  loose 
morals.  There  is  no  universal  solution, 
but  the  one  offered  seems  likely  to  pro- 
duce less  degradation  and  sorrow  than  the 
usual  traditional  ones. 

To  the  Freudians  more  than  any  other 
we  owe  the  frank  announcement  of  what 
most  people  have  dimly  reahzed  but  have 
lacked  the  courage  to  express  in  words; 
namely,  that  the  regular  exercise  of  the 
sexual  impulse  is  essential  to  good  moral 
and  physical  health.  We  are  just  begin- 
ning to  understand  that  it  is  no  mere 
physical  pleasure  which  is  "all  good  enuf 
in  its  way  but  not  essential."  We  begin 
to  see  that  it  is  not  a  mere  physical  gratifi- 
cation which  is  involved  but  that  it  lies 
back  of  all  we  do  and  irradiates  all  of  our 
activities.  For  there  is  much  more  to  it 
than  the  physical  side,  absolutely  neces- 
sary as  that  is.  Our  whole  mental  life  is 
involved  in  the  psychic  disturbances  of  a 
proper  intercoiu'se  and  is  refreshed  and 
invigorated  precisely  as  are  our  bodies. 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  29 

This  school  of  psychiatrists  have  driven 
home  the  fact  that  this  impulse  can  not  be 
smothered,  nor  dammed  back  with  im- 
pimity.  Much  of  it  can  be  transferred  to 
so-called  higher  creative,  as  opposed  to 
procreative,  cultural  aims,  but  always 
there  remains  an  irreducible  minimum 
varying  with  each  individual  which  must 
have  full  satisfaction  and  in  its  own  way 
if  disaster  is  to  be  avoided.  For  it  is  now 
clear  to  any  one  who  will  look  into  the 
evidence  that  our  policy  of  suppression 
merely  deforms  the  impulse  which  then 
appears  in  any  of  an  infinite  number  of 
anti-social  forms.  This  deformed  impulse 
poisons  not  only  the  soul  of  the  owner  but 
spreads  its  poison  thruout  the  community. 

The  whole  energies  of  some  men  and  a 
great  many  women  are  taken  up  in  the 
vain  struggle  to  control  or  even  suppress 
altogether  this,  their  strongest  impulse. 
Some  may  win  a  victory  but  at  most  it  is 
a  barren  one;  at  its  worst  it  means  lifelong 
invalidism  or  even  insanity;  while  for  the 


30         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

less  fanatic  it  produces  envy,  malice,  and 
a  generally  dyspeptic  spiritual  condition. 
In  all  cases  an  unenlightened  attempt  to 
control  tends  towards  introversion,  some 
form  of  auto-erotism,  which  greatly  weak- 
ens the  individual's  attempt  to  develop 
himself  into  a  useful  social  animal,  while 
weakening  the  capacity  for  those  strong 
sane  interdependencies  which  we  so  much 
need  to  strengthen  because  without  them 
the  stability  of  the  home  becomes  seriously 
endangered.  Thus  a  person  who  has 
learned  to  content  himself  with  substitute 
gratifications  in  this,  his  strongest  impulse 
— however  desirable  some  of  these  substi- 
tutes may  be  socially — ^may  marry  and 
establish  a  home,  but  the  tie  is  weak  and 
in  the  stress  of  even  a  good  domestic  life 
may  readily  be  broken,  leaving  the  victim 
to  revert  to  his  former  methods  of  gratifi- 
cation. 

On  the  other  hand  a  conscious  and  un- 
ashamed devotion  to  the  proper  exercise 
of  this  impulse  makes  for  a  kindly,  inde- 
pendent and  charitable  life  much  more 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  31 


free  from  the  hideous  and  vulgar  perversi- 
ties of  our  current  virtue.  For  a  man  or 
a  woman  whose  libido  is  properly  under- 
stood and  gratified — and  this  means  much 
more  than  mere  physical  exercise — is  free 
to  devote  the  rest  of  his  energy  not  only 
to  the  improvement  of  himself  but  also  of 
others.  The  properly  developed  person 
is  free  as  no  one  else  can  be  to  sublimate 
the  better  part  of  his  sex  impulse  for  the 
benefit  of  his  kind.  He  is  free  from  that 
covetousness  of  which  we  have  spoken  and 
can  deal  both  honestly  and  charitably  with 
his  less  fortunate  fellows.  Whereas  those 
who  are  struggling  with  an  uninformed 
and  unsatisfied  impulse  are  responsible 
for  most  of  the  misery  in  this  world.  One 
living  a  complete  and  healthy  life  views 
charitably  all  human  folly.  The  deformed 
see  in  the  Biblical  dictum  that  the  sins  of 
the  fathers  shall  be  visited  on  the  children, 
an  injunction  to  see  to  it  that  no  innocent 
child  escapes. 

All  of  this  does  not  argue  for  an  uncon- 
trolled sexuality,  for  the  morals  of  the 


32         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


barnyard — ^tho  just  where  we  get  the 
assurance  to  slur  the  morals  of  the  animals 
is  not  quite  clear  to  me.  Far  from  this 
usual  criticism,  it  argues  for  a  fully  con- 
scious control  of  the  sex  impulse  and  a 
shaping  of  it  to  meet  natural  ends,  not  the 
artificial  aims  which  certain  ascetics  have 
promulgated  out  of  their  deformed  and 
tortured  desires.  At  present  we  strive 
half-heartedly  for  an  unconscious  control 
without  knowing  what  we  are  trying  to 
control  or  to  what  end.  If  we  do  follow 
thru  the  logic  of  our  code  we  ought  in  hon- 
esty to  admit  that  we  do  not  desire  any 
such  goal  for  ourselves.  The  usual  result 
of  our  efforts  is  a  compromise  according 
to  which  we  profess  adherence  to  the  code; 
we  are  exceedingly  cruel  to  any  who  may 
be  suspected  of  violating  it;  and  we  sneak 
about  in  the  darkness  to  secure  whatever 
compensations  we  think  we  can  secure 
without  getting  caught.  Indeed  there  is  a 
distinction  between  setting  our  ideals  some 
distance  beyond  what  we  hope  to  achieve 
and  in  not  really  believing  in  those  ideals. 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  33 


Nor  can  one  hope  to  strive  successfully  for 
ideals  whose  implications  he  does  not  un- 
derstand and  in  which  he  does  not  whole- 
heartedly believe. 

Therefore  we  will  assume  with  the 
Freudians  that  the  function  of  sex  is  not 
even  in  major  proportion  a  question  of 
procreation.  Where  procreation  is  de- 
sired the  ethical  problems  become  rela- 
tively simple,  or  can  become  so.  The  vast 
majority  of  sex  problems  are  those  where 
procreation  is  not  the  object,  in  fact  be- 
comes a  disaster.  Hence  we  shall  be 
speaking  of  sexual  relations  under  the  as- 
sumption that  suitable  measures  are  taken 
to  prevent  conception  unless  that  is  de- 
sired. Our  interest  here  is  rather  with 
those  other  functions  of  the  sexual  impulse 
whose  neglect  and  denial  has  wrought  and 
is  still  wreaking  such  havoc  with  our  civil- 
ization. 

Self-control:  This  is  the  stock  reliance 
of  those  who  strive  to  repress  or  even  to 
eliminate  the  sex  impulse,  and  that  in  de- 
fiance of  the  plain  indications  of  man's 


34         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


animal  origin.  To  any  suggestion  as  to 
change  or  loosening  the  bonds  such  reply: 
let  him  control  himself.  And  indeed  one 
is  even  called  upon  to  observe  how  splen- 
didly and  by  inference  easily  the  exhorter 
controls  all  low  desires.  Somehow  one 
grows  suspicious  of  a  virtue  which  is  given 
to  vainglory  and  boasting.  One  recalls 
that  the  great  moral  leaders  were  as  a  class 
rather  humble.  But  this  expression,  self- 
control,  is  bandied  about  as  if  it  meant 
something.  I  wonder  just  what  it  does 
mean? 

No  doubt  a  case  can  be  made  out  for  this 
much  praised  virtue.  Nevertheless  there 
seems  to  be  a  side  of  the  question  which  is 
seldom  mentioned  and  never  discussed. 
Looking  back  over  what  little  we  really 
know  of  man's  development  we  may 
hastily  deduce  that  his  rise — if  indeed  it  is 
a  rise — ^has  been  directly  proportional  to 
his  mastery  over  his  primitive  predatory 
instincts.  This  idea  is  rather  flattering  to 
one's  vanity,  since  one  finds  himself  here 
at  the  peak  of  moral  grandeur,  a  free,  self- 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  35 

controlled  spirit  and  the  universe  is  bid 
bow  down  and  admire. 

A  little  critical  introspection  rather 
shakes  the  foundations  of  this  pride.  A 
man  finds  himself  attracted  by  a  pretty- 
woman.  If  he  is  honest  he  recognizes  the 
temptation.  Why  then  does  he  not  yield? 
If  he  resists  he  feels  remarkably  and  child- 
ishly virtuous  and  usually  boasts  much  of 
it.  But  really  is  it  self-control?  Candor 
will  force  him  to  admit  one  of  two  expla- 
nations of  his  conduct.  Either  he  was 
cowardly  and  feared  the  consequences,  or 
he  had  other  sources  of  pleasure  which 
meant  enuf  more  to  him  that  he  was 
willing  to  forego  this  temporary  liaison. 
I  suspect  that  had  we  any  way  to  measure 
the  man's  reactions  quantitatively  we 
would  find  that  "morals'*  was  the  least  im- 
portant factor  in  determining  his  conduct. 
I  reach  this  inference  from  the  fact  that 
if  the  temptation  is  really  strong,  or,  which 
amounts  to  the  same  thing,  the  sexual  im- 
pulse is  strong,  the  man  yields.  This  fact. 


36         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


this  unfortunate  lack  of  control  is  amply 
attested  by  many  a  proverb. 

When  we  seek  the  actual  means  where- 
by men  are  controlled  we  get  back  to  the 
notion  of  pleasure  seeking.  We  find  that 
above  all  precepts  lies  the  determining  fac- 
tor that  one  does  what  he  does  because  he 
finds  it  more  pleasant  than  otherwise. 
And  we  see  clearly  that  our  developed 
self-control  is  based  largely  on  substitute 
gratifications,  sublimates  or  what  not.  We 
have  diverted  these  old  impulses  into  other 
and  socially  more  useful  channels  and  in 
so  far  as  we  have  succeeded  in  so  diverting 
them,  we  have  acquired  self-control.  This 
is  precisely  what  happens  in  the  training 
— i.  e.,  civilizing — a  child.  It  is  often  folly 
to  spare  the  rod,  but  it  is  indeed  a  greater 
foolishness  to  omit  the  development  of  a 
system  of  rewards  and  substitute  pleasures 
which  will  make  it  worth  the  child's  while 
to  act  in  a  less  antisocial  manner.  For  if 
law  and  force  could  civilize  then  would  our 
horrible  prisons  be  even  a  more  desirable 
part  of  one's  education  than  the  school  or 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  87 


college.  For  in  these  one  has  to  be  good. 
But  we  know  very  well,  even  if  we  decline 
to  admit  it,  that  neither  law,  nor  prisons, 
nor  military  discipline  have  any  civilizing 
value  per  se.  The  victim  will  be  good  as 
long  as  the  master  stands  there  with  the 
rod,  and  once  relieved  from  fear  of  the 
master  he  '^steals  back'*  as  much  pleasure 
as  he  can. 

Each  of  us  is  a  prisoner  in  the  social 
organism,  and  our  old  primitive  impulses 
are  prisoners  in  our  hearts.  We  may  seek 
to  dominate  this  prisoner  by  force  as  the 
moralists  would  do,  and  we  will  fail  miser- 
ably as  we  always  have  done.  The  psy- 
chiatrists appreciate  now  what  suffering 
and  immorality  result  from  this  attempt 
at  blind  forcible  control.  We  also  can 
try  to  understand  what  the  forces  are 
which  we  wish  to  control  and  the  means 
whereby  such  an  overlordship  can  be  ac- 
quired. That  mastery  which  is  real,  which 
is  serene,  and  not  subject  to  tragic  and 
unexpected  breakdowns  is  not  built  upon 
ignorance  and  coercion.  It  results  from  a 


38         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

proper  realization  of  the  problem  and  a 
conscious  adaptation  of  the  individual  to 
his  requirements.  It  was  a  wise  priest 
who  said  that  one  could  not  hope  to  save 
souls  when  the  object's  belly  was  empty. 
Neither  can  we  hope  to  adapt  ourselves  in- 
telligently and  successfully  in  the  sexual 
sphere  unless  we  have  satisfied  that  irre- 
ducible minimum  of  the  impulse  which  can 
not  be  sublimated.  This  fact  is  patent  to 
most  folks  after  the  honeymoon.  For  the 
traditional  blindness  of  love  is  the  mani- 
acal delusion  induced  by  sex  hunger. 

And  so,  as  it  seems  to  me,  the  problem 
can  not  be  solved  by  morals.  It  must  be 
attacked  with  full  consciousness  of  what 
it  is  we  are  trying  to  control,  how  far  we 
ought  to  control  it,  and  how  to  sublimate 
the  major  portion  of  it.  We  can  not  do 
that  in  ignorance,  nor  can  we  lay  down 
laws  for  general  use.  It  is  always  an  in- 
dividual's problem,  to  be  solved  by  him. 
We  can  help  him  by  letting  him  have  the 
facts,  by  giving  him  living  conditions 
wherein  there  is  a  minimimi  of  unneces- 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  39 

sary  strain  after  bread  and  butter,  and  an 
education  which  places  the  objects  upon 
which  the  impulse  may  be  sublimated 
within  his  reach.  At  present  we  do  none 
of  these  things. 

If  I  make  myself  clear  I  mean  that  I 
do  not  believe  there  is  such  a  thing  as  self- 
control  in  the  sense  in  which  the  moralists 
use  it.  It  ranks  with  the  delusion  of  free 
will,  a  useful  term  but  not  a  reality.  And 
instead  of  this  purely  negative  and  worth- 
less attempt  to  compel  obedience  I  desire 
a  conscious  adaptation.  I  have  no  fear 
but  that  the  result  will  be  an  improvement. 

Our  assumptions  seem  to  be : 

1 .  The  fundamental  criterion  by  which 
all  conduct  is  to  be  judged  is  its  total  out- 
put of  happiness.  Unnecessary  suffering 
like  unnecessary  disease  is  a  crime  and 
inunoral. 

2.  No  hard  and  fast  rules  can  be  laid 
down.  Each  case  must  be  judged  on  its 
merits. 

3.  The  prime  essential  in  all  sex  rela- 
tions is  that  all  parties  thereto  must  know 


40        SEXUAL  ETHICS 

what  they  are  doing  and  be  willing  so  to 
do. 

4.  Force  and  deceit  are  morally  repre- 
hensible and  the  community  may  properly 
exercise  control  over  such  attempts.  Much 
discretion  must  be  used  in  passing  on  such 
incidents. 

5.  Sex  IS  neither  filthy  nor  holy,  it  is 
merely  natural  and  essential.  The  impulse 
is  inunensely  more  than  mere  physical 
gratification.  Its  complete  satisfaction  is 
necessary  for  good  mental  and  physical 
health.  To  be  properly  satisfied  the 
nature  and  implications  of  the  impulse 
must  be  understood. 

6.  As  far  as  concerns  the  individual, 
procreation  is  a  very  minor  incident  in  his 
real  sex  life.  Desirable  as  the  experiences 
of  parenthood  are  for  the  development  of 
the  individual,  they  yet  constitute  a  pro- 
portionately small  part  of  his  total  sex  life. 
Whatever  "purpose"  sex  may  have  in  the 
universe,  to  the  individual  it  is  a  pleasure- 
seeking  which  has  most  important  effects 


BASIS  OF  MORALITY  41 


upon  the  individual ;  and  it  can  not  be  sup- 
pressed or  crippled  without  most  disas- 
trous effects  to  all.  What  it  needs  is  not 
blind  control  but  conscious  direction. 


THE  INDIVIDUAL  PROBLEMS. 


We  will  now  take  up  the  questions 
posed  by  the  Editor. 

1.  Masturbation. 

It  is  usual  to  treat  this  subject  with  an 
amount  of  moral  indignation  which  should 
put  the  speaker  on  guard  lest  he  betray 
himself.  Our  assumptions  imply  that 
where  the  person  does  not  injure  himself 
or  his  future  offspring  there  is  no  ethical 
problem  involved.  Any  harmless  pleasure 
which  one  can  achieve  is  his  right.  The 
literature  up  to  within  the  last  ten  years 
was  without  exception  delightfully  violent 
in  discussing  this  subject.  Indeed,  so 
heated  does  the  lecturer  become  that  one 
suspects  not  only  the  zeal  of  the  newly 
converted,  but  even  a  transfer  for  energy 
from  other  sources.  In  some  ways  it  seems 
about  as  apt  for  the  well-married  to  rail 

42 


MASTURBATION  48 


against  masturbation  as  for  a  New  Eng- 
land spinster  to  become  frenzied  over 
cannibalism.  In  both  cases  it  is  a  per- 
fectly safe  field  in  which  to  vent  any 
pent  up  emotions  which  one  dares  not  re- 
lease in  connection  with  their  real  origins. 
But  is  masturbation  really  injurious? 
With  as  much  care  as  I  am  capable  of,  I 
have  not  been  able  to  reach  any  definite 
conclusion.  That  excessive  indulgence 
should  be  injurious  is  obvious,  but  what 
is  excessive?  Anyone  who  can  reach  the 
necessary  degree  of  intimacy  with  his  fel- 
lows quickly  learns  that  the  German 
sexologist  was  not  far  wrong  when  he  as- 
serted that  "nine  men  masturbate  and  the 
tenth  man  is  a  liar."  Of  course  there  are 
exceptions,  but  most  of  these  are  hardly 
men.  And  the  practice  begins  with  the 
awakening  of  the  sexual  instinct,  often 
very  early  in  life,  and  continues  with  a  fre- 
quency depending  upon  the  libido  of  the 
person  until  normal  relations  are  estab- 
lished. The  oft  repeated  charge  of  un- 
naturalness  is  voided  by  the  fact  now  fully 


U        SEXUAL  ETHICS 

recognized  that  animals  deprived  of  nor- 
mal gratification  mastm^bate.  (We  are 
tempted  to  go  astray  in  considering  ani- 
mals, due  to  the  fact  that  most  of  the 
observed  animals  retain  their  periodicity, 
that  is  have  stated  periods  of  rutting, 
whereas  man  has  lost  his  and  is  in  a  con- 
tinuous state  of  rutting.)  This  unfor- 
tunate development  of  the  human  race — 
and  it  is  one  which  the  domesticated  ani- 
mals have  partly  acquired — renders  our 
attempts  to  set  "natural  bounds"  rather 
futile. 

We  must  also  recognize  the  fact  well 
established  by  Stekel  that  even  where  the 
individual  does  not  consciously  indulge  in 
this  substitute  gratification,  he  does  do  so 
unconsciously.  All  of  which  being  true, 
what  does  it  matter?  Here  again  we  must 
judge  by  results  and  with  great  caution 
not  to  mistake  cause  for  effect.  As  a  mat- 
ter of  fact,  modern  students  are  slowly 
coming  to  regard  the  whole  question  as 
relatively  unimportant  and  where  exces- 
sive masturbation  is  noted  to  regard  it  as 


MASTURBATION  45 


a  symptom  of  more  deep  lying  disturb- 
ances. We  no  longer  worry  about  the 
loss  of  a  "vital  fluid"  since  this  occurs  both 
in  marriage  and  with  emissions  and  it  is 
not  "vital"  anyhow.  We  do  realize  that 
the  exhaustion  is  a  matter  of  nervous  ex- 
citement, and  it  is  still  undecided  as  to 
whether  masturbation  or  coitus  is  the  more 
exacting  in  this  regard. 

The  effect  of  early  masturbation — ^by 
which  writers  seem  to  mean  that  of  early 
adolescence — is  still  emphasized,  but  one 
recalls  that  the  pioneers,  that  superb  stock, 
married  very  young.  Marriage  at  16  to 
18  years  for  men  and  often  at  13  for  girls, 
yet  they  survived  somehow  and  our  young 
men  of  today  make  out  fairly  well.  One 
injury  I  have  seen  clearly  and  that  was  the 
injury  due  to  the  fear  of  injury.  Once 
that  fear  was  allayed  the  individuals  set- 
tled down  into  steady  and  healthy  citi- 
zens, altho  they  did  not  diminish  the 
frequency  of  indulgence  appreciably. 

In  the  absence  of  any  definitely  ascer- 
tainable injury  we  may  dismiss  the  sub- 


48         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

ject  as  a  matter  of  personal  taste.  It  is 
not  a  thing  one  would  advise  ordinarily, 
and  yet  not  without  its  usefulness  when 
we  consider  that  the  alternative  is  to  make 
normal  intercourse  possible.  It  is  ethically 
neither  a  crime  nor  a  vice, — merely  an 
undesirable  misfortune.  Personally  I  am 
unable  to  see  the  ethical  beauty  of  keeping 
a  lad  so  exhausted  physically  by  overwork 
that  he  is  sexually  impotent.  It  may  be 
a  wise  solution,  but  in  my  experience  the 
victim  usually  makes  up  for  it  by  an  in- 
sensate *'bust'*  once  he  has  a  chance. 

2.    Illicit  Sex  Relations. 

Procreation  is  not  here  involved.  The 
birth  of  a  child  is  distinctly  a  concern  of 
the  community,  but  it  is  very  doubtful  to 
what  extent  the  powers  of  the  state  should 
be  allowed  to  interfere  seriously  in  a  mat- 
ter of  such  intimate  nature.  It  follows 
from  our  assumption  that  intercourse  is 
necessary  and  desirable,  that  ante-marital 
intercourse  is  decidedly  proper  unless  we 
are  prepared  to  arrange  for  very  early 


ILLICIT  SEX  RELATIONS  47 

marriages.  This  does  not  deny  the  possi- 
bility of  restraining  the  sexual  impulse 
somewhat  during  adolescence,  neither  does 
it  argue  for  promiscuity.  The  latter  is  a 
product  of  the  conflict  between  our  ascetic 
traditions  and  the  uninformed,  not  to  say 
ignorant,  healthy  impulse.  It  has  its 
roots  in  deceit  and  hypocrisy,  the  economic 
condition,  and  largely  in  the  undeveloped 
state  of  our  emotions.  Lacking  any 
proper  appreciation  of  the  real  nature  and 
high  values  of  sexual  love  we  tend  to  drift 
into  a  mere  promiscuity,  a  mere  physical 
relief. 

As  far  as  men  are  concerned  it  is  a  con- 
dition and  not  a  theory  which  we  have  to 
face.  It  can  be  safely  assumed  that  prac- 
tically all  men  have  indulged  in  inter- 
course long  before  they  reached  an  eco- 
nomic freedom  which  permitted  the  estab- 
lishment of  a  home.  It  is  true  that  there 
are  occasional  exceptions,  as  very  few  men 
do  reach  marriage  in  a  state  which  in 
females  we  designate  as  demi-vierge.  But 
even  so  conscientious  a  student  as  Robert 


48         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

Michels  admits  that  while  he  would  much 
prefer  that  his  daughter's  husband  might 
come  to  the  nuptial  couch  as  pure  as  his 
daughter,  he  has  thus  far  met  no  chaste 
man  to  whose  gentle  mercies  he  would  care 
to  trust  a  dearly  loved  daughter.  As 
things  stand  at  present  in  our  social  sys- 
tem, a  "chaste"  man  over  twenty-five 
years  of  age — and  who  can  hope  to  marry 
earlier  than  that? — is  simply  no  man  at 
all.  He  will  be  appreciably  inverted  or 
sexually  impotent.  Such  chastity  rests 
not  on  great  moral  self-control,  as  the  vic- 
tim deludes  himself  into  thinking,  but 
upon  a  distinctly  deficient  sexuality.  That 
does  not  mean  that  he  may  not  be  a  nice 
fellow,  be  quite  refined,  and  even  socially 
useful,  but  as  the  pilot  for  so  storm-tossed 
a  bark  as  the  good  ship  matrimony,  he  is 
not  entitled  to  a  pilot's  license.  Indeed, 
it  is  doubtful  whether  he  will  be  able  to 
pilot  a  dory  on  the  calm  waters  of  a  mill 
pond.  And  it  is  borne  in  upon  every  thot- 
ful  student  that  Freud  was  right  when 
he  said  that  a  man  who  will  accept  substi- 


ILLICIT  SEX  RELATIONS  49 


tutes  in  this,  his  strongest,  impulse  will 
accept  substitutes  in  every  other  depart- 
ment of  life.  That  does  not  imply  that  a 
second  or  third  rater  can  be  transformed 
into  a  real  man  by  indulging  in  promiscu- 
ous intercourse,  far  from  it,  but  he  is 
merely  a  sexual  cripple,  often  very  useful 
in  his  sublimated  activities  but  entitled  to 
no  special  honor  for  his  great  self-control 
which  really  rests  on  the  absence  of  any 
compelling  urge.  Such  a  man  may  marry 
and  if  he  chances  upon  a  wife  equally  in- 
different he  may  establish  a  home,  and  the 
result  may  be  entirely  satisfactory;  but 
should  he  marry  a  normal  woman,  there 
will  surely  be  much  to  regret  for  all  con- 
cerned. 

These  facts  being  true,  or  at  least  so 
they  seem  to  me,  our  ethical  problem  con- 
cerns not  intercourse  but  the  probable  un- 
happiness  which  may  result  from  the  con- 
flict between  our  traditions,  laws,  and  the 
natural  expression  of  the  individual.  This 
is  all  very  "materialistic,"  but  men  are  so 
and  we  must  make  the  best  of  it.  Obvi- 


50         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


ausly  couples  indulging  in  illicit  inter- 
course must  do  so  in  such  manner  that  the 
future  rights  and  possibilities  for  happi- 
ness of  either  party  are  in  no  way  injured. 
At  present  it  is  very  difficult  to  meet  this 
requirement,  especially  as  regards  the 
woman.  But  if  both  parties  are  fully 
aware  that  they  have  a  right  to  this  happi- 
ness and  enter  into  the  relation  with  a 
proper  appreciation  of  the  difficulties,  if 
both  are  satisfied  as  to  their  rights,  it  is 
difficult  to  see  wherein  it  is  anybody's  busi- 
ness what  they  do.  There  is  always  a 
possibility  that  the  woman  may  become 
strongly  attached  to  her  lover  and  dishke 
the  inevitable  parting.  But  this  also  hap- 
pens when  intercourse  is  not  involved,  and 
as  far  as  I  can  see  is  merely  an  unpre- 
ventable  misfortune.  When  we  find  an 
answer  for  the  one  case  it  will  be  equally 
valid  for  the  other.  Unrequited  love  is 
indeed  a  very  sad  occurrence;  but  that  is 
all  we  can  say  about  it;  love  can  not  be 
compelled  nor  can  a  pretense  be  long 


ILLICIT  SEX  RELATIONS  51 

maintained  which  deceives  any  but  the 
neighbors. 

One  does  not  pretend  to  justify  the 
course  of  a  man  who  flits  from  one  woman 
to  another,  leaving  a  train  of  broken- 
hearted maidens  behind  him.  Such  con- 
duct has  been  amply  damned  for  mil- 
lenniums, but  where  both  parties  are  enter- 
ing freely  into  such  a  relationship  I  see 
no  ethical  grounds  for  objection,  any  more 
than  in  any  other  relations  between 
friends.  Of  course,  such  a  proposition  will 
offend  those  who  worship  in  intentional 
blindness  of  facts  the  ideal  of  one  man  for 
one  woman  for  all  eternity — a  rather  long 
period  during  which  to  maintain  a  com- 
plete indifference  to  all  one's  fellow  mor- 
tals. It  will  offend  those  who  preach  a 
strict  monogamy  without  realizing  what 
a  strict  monogamy  implies.  Nevertheless, 
it  is  a  position  which  is  biologically  sound, 
properly  handled  makes  for  spiritual 
growth  and  that,  too,  on  a  firmer  footing 
than  the  conventional  ideal  which  applies 
perhaps  to  one  couple  in  a  thousand.  To 


52         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


render  this  solution  unnecessary  involves 
a  change  in  our  social  system  which  few 
are  willing  to  undertake.  It  does  involve 
a  frank  recognition  of  what  is  now  an  es- 
tablished fact,  and  a  corresponding  sani- 
tary renovation  of  our  age-long  prejudices 
and  hypocrisy. 

The  chief  difficulty  lies  in  the  unwilling- 
ness of  men  to  allow  to  their  co-equals, 
women,  the  same  rights  which  they  claim 
for  themselves.  This  in  all  justice  we 
must  do.  It  is  long  past  time  when  we 
should  try  to  maintain  this  age-old  in- 
iquity. Somehow  it  seems  to  me  that  the 
traditional  insistence  on  *'purity"  in  the 
woman  is  based  in  practice  on  very  de- 
grading grounds.  Of  all  men,  those  who 
insist  most  stridently  on  marrying  a  virgin 
are  those  who  have  been  notoriously 
profligate  and  wholly  indifferent  to  the 
sacrifice  which  they  have  compelled  from 
their  victims.  This  attitude  is  inculcated 
in  the  minds  of  all  our  boys.  To  me  this 
seems  criminal.  A  woman  may  have  all 
the  qualities  which  we  admire  in  women, 


ILLICIT  SEX  RELATIONS  53 


be  equipped  to  maintain  a  splendid  home, 
but  forsooth  she  has  not  an  intact  hymen 
and  so  is  to  be  treated  as  an  outcast.  If 
however,  she  have  an  intact  hymen,  even 
tho  that  be  maintained  on  a  basis  of  fri- 
gidity or  perhaps  tribadism,  then  is  she 
perfect  in  the  eyes  of  tradition  and  a  suit- 
able wife.  I  can  not  believe  that  the 
modem  woman  will  permit  herself  to  re- 
main long  under  such  tawdry  disabihties. 
The  only  cheerful  note  in  this  situation, 
and  that  is  cheerful  only  in  that  it  is  such 
excellent  irony,  is  found  in  the  case  where 
a  notorious  roue  finding  a  woman  whom 
his  seductive  wiles  will  not  warm  up, 
marries  her  and  discovers  that  he  has  ob- 
tained an  iceberg.  True,  much  unhappi- 
ness  follows,  but  in  a  way  one  gets  a  grim 
smile  out  of  old  Mother  Nature's  little 
joke. 

I  am  not  here  pleading  for  promiscuity. 
There  is  a  world  of  difference  between  so- 
called  ilh'cit  relations  undertaken  in  re- 
sponse to  natural  stimuli,  and  where  all  of 
the  qualities  of  friendship  and  comraderie 


54         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


are  involved  and  the  fly-by-night  rela- 
tionship which  promiscuity  implies.  I  am 
unable  to  see  why  a  couple  who  like  each 
other  should  not  be  free  to  learn  by  experi- 
ment whether  they  care  to  unite  for  pur- 
poses of  procreation  or  otherwise.  Nor 
do  I  believe  that  this  great  freedom  would 
result  in  a  greater  looseness  of  morals.  As 
far  as  men  are  concerned  I  do  not  see  how 
they  could  well  be  more  lax  than  they  are, 
but  I  can  see  how  they  might  be  cleaner 
and  nobler  in  their  affairs.  I  can  believe 
that  in  a  state  of  frankness  those  higher 
qualities  which  rest  on  the  sexual  relation 
might  even  develop  to  a  point  where  we 
would  find  ourselves  in  a  better  and  kind- 
lier world.  Would  it  not  mean  a  great 
many  more  happy  homes  if  a  greater  free- 
dom of  choice  and  more  experience  en- 
tered into  the  foundation  of  them?  And  a 
home  that  is  not  happy  poisons  everything 
that  comes  in  contact  with  it. 

Under  present  conditions  illicit  inter- 
course often  carries  in  its  train  results 
which  are  ethically  bad  because  of  the 


EXTRAMARITAL  RELATIONS  55 


failure  of  the  parties  concerned  to  meet  the 
situation  frankly,  but  there  are  obvious 
signs  that  this  condition  is  about  to  pass; 
and  when  it  does,  not  only  will  men  be 
cleaner  lived  but  they  will  also  have  to  act 
more  like  gentlemen  if  they  are  to  receive 
any  attention  at  all  from  the  emancipated 
female. 

3.   Extramarital  Relations. 

This  phase  of  the  subject  is  to  an  even 
greater  degree  than  others  complicated  by 
the  clash  between  tradition  and  common 
sense.  If,  as  sometimes  happens,  both  the 
wife  and  husband  can  agree  as  to  such  a 
relationship  being  established  it  is  difficult 
to  see  that  any  one  else  is  called  upon  to 
interest  himself  in  it.  Where  such  an 
agreement  can  not  be  reached  it  is  obvious 
that  divorce  is  the  natural  and  proper 
remedy.  Of  course  where  there  are  chil- 
dren, and  especially  under  present  condi- 
tions, proper  provision  must  be  made  for 
the  deserted  party.  At  the  same  time  ex- 
perience teaches  that  the  deserted  party  is 


56         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

often  consciously  to  blame  for  the  situa* 
tion  and  must  pay  the  penalty.  If  the 
wife  suffers  from  a  frigidity  which  the 
best  efforts  of  both  can  not  overcome,  then 
in  all  reason  she  must  regard  herself  as 
incompetent  and  act  accordingly.  The 
fact  that  it  is  physically  possible  for  a  wife 
to  produce  children  even  though  she  has  no 
sexual  life,  does  not  seem  to  me  to  alter 
the  sound  legal  position  which  allows  a 
wife  to  secure  a  divorce  if  her  husband  is 
impotent.  It  is  merely  carrying  over  into 
the  emotional  sphere  a  principle  which  ap- 
plies in  the  physical.  One  who  knows 
what  a  degraded  emotional  life  is  led  by 
wives  who  are  congenitally  unable  to  rise 
to  their  husband's  sexual  requirements  will 
look  with  friendly  eyes  on  a  much  greater 
ease  of  divorce.  Neither  party  has  a  right 
to  turn  the  other  away  merely  because  a 
mutual  mistake  has  been  made.  On  the 
other  hand  neither  has  the  right  to  im- 
prison his  mate  for  life  in  the  round  of 
petty  meanness  and  quarreling  which  ill- 
adapted  sex  relations  produce.  It  is 


EXTRAMARITAL  RELATIONS  67 


always  possible  for  a  sensible  woman  to 
decide  whether  she  cares  enough  for  her 
husband  to  desire  his  happiness  and  so  re- 
lease him  in  those  situations  where  she  can 
not  serve  without  a  feeling  of  moral  deg- 
radation. The  same  reasoning  applies  to 
the  man.  If  he  can  not  so  win  his  wife's 
affections  that  no  other  man  can  exert  an 
overwhelming  attraction  upon  her,  he 
must  confess  frankly  that  he  is  a  failure. 
It  may  be  a  severe  wrench  to  his  vanity, 
but  as  a  lover  he  has  to  decide  whether  he 
will  be  content,  with  those  qualities  and 
the  corresponding  quantities  of  affection 
which  his  wife  can  give  him,  leaving  her 
free  to  fill  the  vacancies  elsewhere,  or  he 
can  withdraw  and  set  her  free.  As  to  chil- 
dren, we  will  discuss  their  status  when  we 
come  to  divorce;  but  I  believe  that  we  may 
say  that  children  have  no  place  in  an  un- 
happy household. 

It  is  usual  to  wink  at  transgression  on 
the  part  of  the  husband.  This  custom 
originated  with  the  men  and  for  their  own 
convenience.  On  the  other  hand  it  is  held 


58         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


that  because  of  the  legal  and  property 
rights  of  her  children  the  wife  must  re- 
main true  to  her  husband  ''regardless/' 
That  seems  a  rather  materialistic  basis, 
but  in  this  case  it  is  applied  by  the  tradi- 
tionist  as  a  valid  argument.  With  the 
abolition  of  inheritance,  a  reform  which  is 
now  getting  under  way,  this  old  shackle 
will  be  broken  to  the  very  great  advantage 
of  all  concerned.  It  promises  a  great 
ethical  advance  when  the  economic  de- 
pendence of  woman  shall  have  been  abol- 
ished and  women  are  free  to  dictate  the 
terms  under  which  they  will  live  even  as 
men  have  always  done.  For  the  extreme 
cases  where  either  party  is  unable  to  main- 
tain a  monogamous  relation,  it  seems  to  me 
that  if  they  can  not  make  a  satisfactory 
compromise,  they  must  part.  I  recall 
cases  where  deception  has  been  practiced 
by  one  party  or  the  other  with  a  general 
increase  in  happiness  all  around  and  that 
social  and  spiritual  gain  which  is  an  out- 
growth of  contentment,  but  one  does  not 
feel  called  upon  to  formulate  any  rule  for 


THE  DOUBLE  STANDARD  59 


these  extreme  cases.  One  does  very  well 
if  he  attends  to  his  own  problems  and  ex- 
ercises much  charity  when  examining  the 
solution  which  others  find  for  theirs. 
When  one  stops  to  consider  how  impos- 
sible it  is  for  him  to  realize  the  emotional 
value  which  his  neighbor  sets  upon  the 
different  phases  of  the  love  life,  it  seems 
foolhardy  and  cruel  to  try  to  establish 
rules  which  all  others  must  follow, 

4.    The  Double  Standard. 

Should  the  standards  be  the  same  for 
(a)  boys  and  girls?  (b)  for  adults?  Un- 
der present  conditions  the  answer  is  a 
much  qualified  No.  As  long  as  an  intact 
hymen  is  regarded  as  the  chief  essential  of 
a  bride,  it  is  expedient,  though  hardly  a 
matter  of  ethics,  to  endeavor  to  bring  the 
girl  to  nubile  age  in  a  state  of  physical 
intactness.  With  that  alleged  third  of 
womankind  who  are  congenital  icebergs 
this  will  present  few  difficulties  and  no 
doubt  the  parents  can  feel  quite  proud  and 
happy  about  it.    Some  of  us  doubt  the 


60        SEXUAL  ETHICS 

bridegroom  will  be  quite  so  well  pleased  as 
he  had  thought.  It  is  said  that  a  young 
girl's  love  is  a  wonderful  and  beautiful 
thing.  I  do  not  presume  to  deny  it.  If  it 
is  beautiful  to  live  in  a  kind  of  hypnoidal 
state  destitute  of  the  criteria  of  reality, 
then  the  point  is  conceded.  As  near  as  I 
can  ascertain,  a  girl's  love  is  about  as  beau- 
tiful as  the  new-fallen  snow,  about  as 
easily  sullied  and  turned  into  slush,  or, 
what  is  worse,  a  whining  self-pity  when 
the  disillusionments  of  the  honeymoon  ar- 
rive. Just  how  beautiful  all  that  is  re- 
mains a  matter  of  taste,  but  perhaps  a 
little  less  naivete  would  wear  better.  It 
seems  to  be  universally  conceded  that  it  is 
a  misfortune  if  the  "girl  love"  is  not  re- 
placed by  "woman's"  love  by  the  end  of 
the  first  few  months  of  married  life.  Of 
course  this  peculiar  psychic  condition  of 
the  bride  is  tremendously  flattering  to  the 
man's  vanity,  and  under  cover  of  it  he  is 
able  to  dissemble  a  multitude  of  iniquities. 
But  would  not  a  little  clearer  vision  be 
better  for  all  concerned?  Would  it  not 


THE  DOUBLE  STANDARD  61 


facilitate  the  development  of  that  sturdy 
self-reliant  candid  affection  without  which 
marriage  easily  degenerates  into  mere 
habit? 

Of  one  thing  I  feel  quite  certain  and 
that  is  that  men  would  be  better  off  for  a 
more  candid  view  of  the  matter.  Our 
present  tradition  inculcates  so  firmly  the 
idea  that  a  woman  who  gives  her  body  has 
also  degraded  it  that  men  often  experience 
a  feeling  of  disgust  even  with  their  brides. 
One  feels  that  the  opposite  view  is  not 
only  more  expedient  but  also  more  just. 
It  would  be  better  to  teach  our  boys  that 
when  a  woman  gives  her  body  she  has 
given  her  greatest  proof  of  confidence  and 
trust.  Surely  such  trust  should  be  repaid 
by  a  heightened  respect. 

As  to  the  boys,  we  have  already  noted 
that  we  have  to  choose  between  masturba- 
tion and  fornication.  Of  the  relative 
healthfulness  of  the  two,  opinions  will  not 
greatly  differ.  It  would  seem  that  where 
the  normal  relation  is  developed  naturally 
out  of  the  boy's  "calf-love"  it  can  lead  only 


62         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

to  better  things.  When  we  compare  this 
natural  development  with  the  tawdry  in- 
itiation which  many  lads  receive  I  do  not 
see  how  one  can  decide  in  favor  of  the 
latter.  For  it  is  well  known  that  the  first 
intercourse  always  sticks  in  the  back  of 
the  mind  and  by  it  all  subsequent  experi- 
ences are  judged.  If  this  first  experience 
was  a  tawdry,  obscene,  rather  disgusting 
affair,  we  may  be  sure  that  that  vision  will 
always  be  pushing  in  between  the  man 
and  his  beloved.  To  me,  that  seems  un- 
desirable ;  but  barring  an  extreme  and,  as 
far  as  I  have  observed,  infrequent  self- 
control,  the  choice  lies  as  above. 

(b)  The  standard  for  men  and  women 
should  be  the  same  and  quite  free.  They 
should  meet  on  a  basis  of  equality  and 
self-respect.  If  they  can  not,  and  it  is 
usually  the  woman's  misfortune  that  her 
training  has  made  it  impossible,  then  she 
may  indulge  in  whatever  expedients  she 
finds  available  to  her  case.  I  do  not  ig- 
nore Freud's  keen  remark  about  some 
neurotics:  "that  they  would  have  been 


THE  DOUBLE  STANDARD  63 


better  had  it  been  possible  for  them  to  have 
been  worse/'  Many  women  of  this  gen- 
eration are  so  bound  by  tradition  that  free- 
dom is  beyond  them.  Such  will  have  to 
conform,  and  if  need  be  become  bitter  old 
maids  (or  wives) :  a  general  nuisance  to 
themselves  and  every  one  else.  One  hesi- 
tates to  call  such  moral.  Nor  do  I  doubt 
that  with  the  development  of  equality  and 
economic  independence  there  will  be  less 
promiscuity  than  at  present.  I  believe 
that  once  women  are  really  emancipated, 
men  will  have  to  improve  both  their  man- 
ners and  their  ideals  if  they  are  to  have 
companions.  The  immorality  of  the  usual 
code  at  present  lies  rather  in  the  inability 
of  women  to  feel  sure  of  themselves.  They 
accept  all  too  readily  the  man-made  notion 
that  in  leading  a  natural  sex  life  they  have 
degraded  themselves.  Men  foster  this 
view  for  purely  selfish  reasons  in  that  it 
enables  them  to  escape  their  full  emotional 
responsibility.  The  sooner  we  abolish  that 
the  better. 


V 

64         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


5.  Divorce. 

From  what  has  preceded  it  is  obvious 
that  divorce  should  be  made  as  free  as 
possible.  If  it  must  be  regulated  other 
than  by  public  opinion,  it  would  seem  suf- 
ficient that  on  the  request  of  either  party 
a  decree  of  separation  should  issue.  After 
a  suitable  and  not  too  long  interval,  if  the 
plaintiff  was  still  determined  to  separate, 
then  a  final  decree  should  be  issued.  And 
it  should  be  wholly  unnecessary  for  either 
party  to  prove  that  some  blame  or  breach 
of  law  had  been  perpetrated.  It  is  absurd 
to  require  two  persons,  presumably  intel- 
ligent persons,  to  live  together  in  a  state 
of  mutual  hatred  until  one  or  the  other  is 
willing  to  furnish  "cause."  I  am  unable 
to  see  why  people  should  live  together  if 
they  do  not  wish  to  do  so.  Nor  can  I  be- 
lieve that  the  State  would  suffer  if  they 
separated.  I  am  quite  sure  that  the  com- 
munity would  not.  Nor  can  I  see  why 
^  "blame"  needs  be  shown.  It  is  familiar 
to  all  of  us  that  it  is  quite  possible  to  keep 


DIVORCE  65 


one's  companion  in  a  continuous  homicidal 
state  of  mind  without  violating  any  of  the 
laws  or  even  conventional  politenesses. 

The  usual  objections  to  divorce  other 
than  the  theological  claim  that  marriage 
is  a  sacrament,  are  based  upon  a  desire  to 
maintain  the  integrity  of  the  home.  It  is 
usually  called  sanctity  but  integrity  is 
what  is  really  meant.  And  there  is  good 
reason  why  we  should  desire  that  children 
grow  up  in  a  good  and  complete  home. 
The  analytic  study  of  the  child's  mind 
shows  clearly  how  very  important  the  first 
four  or  five  years  are  in  determining  the 
future  possibilities  of  the  child.  Equally 
important  are  the  years  up  to  adolescence, 
though  in  both  periods  the  really  impor- 
tant things  have  been  almost  wholly  left 
to  chance,  so  great  is  our  disinclination  to 
face  the  actual  facts  of  child  development. 
But  analysis  shows  more.  If  it  emphasizes 
and  confirms  our  opinions  as  to  the  impor- 
tance of  a  good  home,  it  also  shows  the 
disastrous  effects  of  a  bad  one.  We  have 
gone  on  in  the  blissful  delusion  that  the 


66         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

child  did  not  understand  and  therefore 
our  numerous  iniquities  would  not  affect 
its  development  if  only  we  kept  up  a  pre- 
tense '*for  the  sake  of  the  children.'*  We 
know  better  now.  Not  only  does  the  child 
sense  the  dishonesty  of  a  divided  house- 
hold, it  acquires  extraordinary  and  per- 
verse ideas  of  even  our  proper  activities. 
If  the  children's  good  is  to  be  the  deciding 
factor  in  matters  of  divorce,  then  we  must 
unquestionably  allow  the  separation  of 
those  who  can  not  live  together  and  grow 
together.  Better  half  a  household  with 
honesty  and  peace  than  any  number  of 
homes  full  of  strife.  These  late  develop- 
ments in  analytical  psychology  confirm 
what  many  of  us  had  already  observed: 
that  children  who  came  from  homes  in 
which  dissension  reigned  always  seemed 
crippled  in  their  emotional  capacities. 
They  are  never  able  to  believe  in  those 
finer  loyalties  upon  which  fine  spirits  de- 
pend. It  is  not  denied  that  children  can 
survive  in  a  quarrelsome  household,  but 


DIVORCE  67 


that  does  not  prove  that  they  should  be 
compelled  to  do  so. 

There  are  plenty  who  can  say:  "No,  I 
don't  believe  we  had  an  ideal  home,  but  we 
made  out  somehow  and  I  wouldn't  give  up 
those  experiences  for  anything."  And  to 
all  such  one  can  extend  that  warm  human 
sympathy  which  goes  out  to  the  honest 
effort,  the  honest  confession  of  failure. 
They  tried  faithfully  according  to  their 
capacities  and  one  has  only  kind  words  for 
their  effort.  We  do  not  propose  to  break 
up  any  homes,  though  occasions  arise  even 
now  where  the  state  does  feel  justified  in 
so  doing.  But  it  is  one  thing  to  praise 
these  conscientious  failures  and  another 
thing  to  insist  that  persons  without  the 
moral  strength  to  see  the  thing  through 
shall  be  shackled  together  to  act  as  a  focus 
of  infection  poisoning  themselves,  their 
children,  and  the  community.  Give  them 
another  chance:  sooner  or  later  they  will 
find  suitable  mates.  In  the  second  at- 
tempt there  will  be  less  of  that  much 
heralded  "girl-love"  and  less  "calf  love," 


68         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

but  there  will  also  be  a  great  deal  more 
common  sense,  and  after  all  that  is  what  is 
required  to  pilot  a  family  safely  into  port. 
For  those  who  never  were  meant  to  estab- 
lish a  home  and  rear  children,  the  quicker 
they  perish  from  the  racial  stock  the  bet- 
ter, perhaps.  In  any  case  all  we  need  to 
do  to  render  them  socially  valuable — 
whatever  value  they  may  possess — is  to 
give  them  their  prevenceptives  and  leave 
them  alone. 

6.  Alimony, 

It  is  difficult  to  imagine  a  fine  spirited 
woman  asking  for  alimony  without  a  feel- 
ing of  degradation  as  though  she  were 
some  indefinite  sort  of  prostitute.  On  the 
other  hand  the  learned  judges  have  de- 
cided that  marriage  reduces  a  woman's 
value,  and  limits  her  chance  of  securing 
another  husband — all  this  in  spite  of  the 
market  quotation  on  grass-widows !  For- 
tunately these  same  judges  have  properly 
enough  decided  that  in  so  far  as  a  wife  con- 
tributes to  the  home  work  as  essential 


ALIMONY  69 

and  often  more  exacting  than  that  of  the 
man,  she  is  entitled  to  some  form  of  re- 
muneration in  case  she  finds  it  necessary 
to  withdraw  from  the  firm.  This  decision, 
doubtless  reached  at  a  time  when  the  wife 
was  a  producer  as  well  as  a  wife,  is  funda- 
mentally sound  and  under  present  condi- 
tions must  be  accepted.  But  so  great  have 
grown  the  abuses  of  this  system,  so  blas- 
phemous the  extortion  which  certain  kinds 
of  parasitic  women  indulge  in,  that  one 
feels  the  need  of  some  radical  change  in 
the  basic  conditions  upon  which  the  courts 
shall  proceed.  At  present  the  economic 
and  social  dependence  of  women  make  the 
solution  very  difficult.  When  we  progress 
far  enough  that  the  community  takes  over 
as  it  should  the  support  of  mothers,  a  mar- 
riage contract  which  looks  to  the  protec- 
tion of  the  children  will  probably  suffice. 
In  the  transition  period  we  should  arrange 
for  more  discretion  on  the  part  of  special 
domestic  courts  where  with  all  the  facts 
before  them  the  judges,  or  commission, 
can  adjust  the  financial  details  with  less 


/ 


70         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

regard  to  precedent  and  more  to  justice 
in  the  particular  case.  If  married  couples 
could  be  divorced  promptly  and  without 
the  absurd  necessity  of  proving  "guilt"  as 
at  present,  I  believe  they  would  separate 
before  the  accumulating  hatreds  and  petty 
spite  made  a  reasonable  division  of  the 
estate  impossible  by  agreement.  Such 
agreement  confirmed  by  the  Commission 
should  be  final.  Paradoxical  as  it  may 
seem  I  am  convinced  that  free  and  easy 
divorce  would  result  in  many  more  happy 
homes  and  in  many  fewer  divorces.  Until 
that  time  comes  I  suppose  we  must  toler- 
ate the  parasitic  wife  and  professional  ex- 
tortionist as  we  tolerate  those  upon  whom 
she  preys. 

7.   Unnatural  Methods  of  Coitus. 

This  subject  really  calls  for  no  lengthy 
discussion.  As  long  as  both  parties  to  the 
relation  are  content  I  can  not  see  how  it 
is  anybody's  business  just  what  procedure 
they  find  most  successful  with  them.  It 
is  not  a  legal  matter  at  all.  Of  course,  if 


HOMOSEXUAL  RELATIONS  71 


the  wife,  for  example,  feels  disgusted  with 
her  partner's  tastes,  and  he  on  his  part  can 
not  alter  them,  there  is  no  reason  why  the 
two  should  remain  together.  In  fact  I 
doubt  if  any  but  a  few  ascetic  theologues 
have  any  particular  interest  in  the  matter. 
We  have  to  admit  that  some  of  the  most 
desirable  citizens  we  know  have  what  seem 
to  some  rather  weird  notions  of  pleasure, 
but  where  both  are  agi'eed,  no  psychic  nor 
physical  harm  is  going  to  result.  We  have 
also  to  admit  that  these  so-called  un- 
natural methods  are  very  common  in  the 
stress  of  passion  and  doubtless  quite  use- 
ful. If  the  end  sought — the  maximum 
contrectation  and  complete  and  satisfying 
detumescence — ^be  achieved  I  see  no  rea- 
son to  limit  the  methods  chosen  as  long  as 
both  partners  are  willing  and  content. 

8.   Homosexual  Relations. 

Here  again  the  word  un-natural  ob- 
scures a  relatively  simple  problem.  As  a 
matter  of  fact  the  relation  is  unnatural 
only  in  that  it  is  not  usual.   The  homo- 


72         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

sexual  tendency  is  present  in  all  and  its 
sublimations  constitute  some  of  the  most 
advanced  spiritual  activities  of  the  race. 
The  gross  physical  facts  are  common  to 
animals  as  well  as  men.  I  seriously  doubt 
the  Freudian  explanation  of  the  phe- 
nomenon, that  is,  as  a  complete  and  suf- 
ficient explanation.  And  I  also  doubt  the 
success  of  the  reputed  cures.  I  suspect 
that  this  phenomenon  rests  primarily  on 
the  physico-chemical  balance  of  the  indi- 
vidual, and  that  while  such  a  person  may 
be  led  to  indulge  in  the  so-called  normal 
relations,  the  cure  is  more  a  perversion  of 
a  pervert  than  an  actual  deep-reaching 
change. 

Whatever  the  future  may  bring  to  light 
in  the  matter  of  cause  and  cure — assum- 
ing that  a  cure  proves  socially  desirable — 
the  ethical  problems  do  not  seem  unan- 
swerable. Certainly  with  adults  who  may 
choose  to  entertain  such  relationships  I 
can  see  no  reason  why  others  should  con- 
cern themselves  about  it.  Nor  do  I  feel 
sufficiently  sure  of  the  facts  to  be  dogmatic 


HOMOSEXUAL  RELATIONS  73 


where,  as  sometimes  happens,  the  rela- 
tionship is  estabhshed  between  adults  and 
adolescents,  nor  that  it  is  a  matter  which 
can  be  wisely  subjected  to  legislation. 

It  seems  to  me  that  better  results  will 
be  achieved  by  making  it  customary  to 
ask  a  mental  examination  of  persons  who 
seem  to  be  going  on  irregular  pathways. 
Only  by  such  examinations  can  we  hope 
to  find  a  solution  which  will  do  any  prac- 
tical good.  To  imprison  a  homosexual, 
or  a  sadist,  does  not  make  any  change  in 
his  psyche,  at  least  no  change  for  the  bet- 
ter. The  better  grade  homosexual  is  often 
a  highly  useful  citizen  and  can  ill  be 
spared.  The  low  grade  are  not  to  blame 
for  their  tastes  and  often  would  be  found 
fit  for  some  sort  of  restriction  in  their 
movements.  With  the  record  of  the  old 
comradeships  of  Greece  and  Japan  before 
us  one  may  doubt  whether  our  present 
treatment  of  the  subject  does  not  suffer 
quite  as  much  under  the  theological  tradi- 
tion, and  with  as  great  wastage,  as  our 
other  sex  conventions.  From  the  evidence 


74         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

thus  far,  it  seems  a  subject  worthy  of  more 
serious  and  open  minded  consideration 
than  it  has  yet  received,  in  this  country 
at  least.  I  can  not  see  that  as  applied  to 
adults  it  is  a  community  affair,  since 
homosexuals  left  to  themselves  do  not 
breed  and  thus  eliminate  themselves  from 
the  stock.  ForeFs  comment  on  bestiality 
might  be  applied  here  with  some  propri- 
ety. He  said,  and  it  scandalized  the  unco 
guid:  that  it  was  better  for  an  idiot  to 
copulate  with  a  cow,  which  would  not  in- 
jure the  cow  than  for  him  to  copulate  with 
some  girl  and  beget  a  family  of  idiots.  It 
seems  certain  that  in  the  near  future  our 
laws  concerning  all  of  these  "queer"  prac- 
tices will  have  to  be  revised  by  a  group  of 
open  minded  psychiatrists  with  the  intent 
that  when  any  action  is  taken  it  shall  have 
some  effect.  At  present  no  law  even  if 
enforced  makes  other  than  a  slight  and 
temporary  change  in  conditions. 

On  the  other  hand  I  have  wondered 
whether  the  Freudian  concept  of  fixation 
might  imply  that  a  number  of  homosex- 


INCEST 


75 


uals,  border  line  cases,  do  not  have  this 
fixation  confirmed  in  adolescence  due  to 
their  difficulty  in  securing  opportunity  for 
"normal"  intercourse,  because  of  their  lack 
of  "nerve."  It  is  worth  considering 
whether  these  cases  would  not  develop 
more  to  our  taste  if  they  were  rather  aided 
in  their  first  faltering  steps  along  the  line 
of  normal  development. 

9,  Incest. 

This  problem  is  traditionally  ancient 
and  uniformly  the  answer  is  negative. 
Both  for  psychic  and  biological  reasons  in- 
cest seems  wholly  objectionable.  But 
these  objections  rest  on  the  assumption 
that  children  will  be  born  of  such  unions. 
In  the  absence  of  offspring  it  is  difiicult 
to  take  the  problem  very  seriously.  Of 
course,  in  breeding  animals  we  compel  in- 
cest in  our  efforts  to  obtain  and  fix  certain 
qualities  which  we  deem  desirable.  And 
while  the  result  is  usually  an  approach  to 
our  ideal  animal,  it  will  be  admitted  that 
it  lacks  vigor,  it  can  not  survive  in  open 


76         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

competition  with  less  inbred  stock.  With 
the  human  race  we  have  the  record  of  the 
Pharaohs,  the  Incas,  and  the  poljrnesian 
royalty,  where  inbreeding  mth  a  rigid 
elimination  of  the  unfit  resulted  in  quite 
superior  personalities.  With  our  more  civ- 
ilized ( !)  tribes  we  are  probably  quite  jus- 
tified in  making  incest  taboo,  and  that  in 
spite  of  the  tradition  of  Lot  and  his  daugh- 
ters. As  a  practical  problem,  we  have 
seldom  to  deal  with  incest  except  in  the 
case  of  the  definitely  feeble-minded  with 
whom  we  were  better  to  attack  the  prob- 
lem from  the  angle  of  their  mentality  than 
of  their  conduct.  Incest,  between  mother 
and  son,  father  and  daughter,  or  brother 
and  sister  (a  not  uncommon  case  in  child- 
hood though  seldom  persisted  in  later), 
where  feeble-mindedness  is  not  an  issue, 
should  be  handled  by  the  psychiatrist,  if 
need  be  on  orders  from  the  court.  But  it 
seems  unwise  to  make  it  a  legal  olfense 
punished  by  any  such  unhelpful  penalty 
as  imprisonment.  To  make  it  a  special 
sort  of  crime  and  to  invest  it  with  all  those 


PREVENCEPTION  77 

immoral  expressions  of  our  own  self -right- 
eousness seems  stupid  and  crueL  Let  the 
indignant  reader  have  the  problem  of 
brother  and  sister  presented  to  him  as  a 
practical  problem  and  one  wonders 
whether  he  will  give  any  very  helpful  ad- 
vice. It  is  easy,  though  futile,  to  insist 
that  the  boy  should  leave  all  girls  alone, 
but  it  will  require  quite  a  bit  of  patience 
to  make  clear  the  difference  between  the 
boy's  sister  and  his  chum's  sister. 

10.  Prevenception. 

While  one  becomes  doubtful  in  these 
days  of  blind  reaction,  whether  indeed 
there  are  any  rights  of  any  kind,  never- 
theless, one  may  be  pardoned  for  suggest- 
ing that  there  probably  are  a  few.  And 
among  those  few  rights,  or  vestiges  of 
rights,  I  would  predicate  the  right  to  the 
sexual  control  of  the  individual's  own 
body.  I  admit  that  where  procreation  is 
involved  the  community  has  a  right  to  in- 
tervene, but  otherwise  I  believe  even  the 
"state"  has  nothing  to  say  about  it.  The 


78         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

fiction  that  the  state  can  demand  of  women 
that  they  bear  children  will  not  long  stand 
the  test  of  either  experience  or  logic.  One 
admits  readily  enough  that  the  commu- 
nity may  properly  require  that  the  number 
of  children  be  limited,  and  one  can  ima- 
gine the  state  urging  that  as  many  chil- 
dren be  borne  as  can  be  properly  cared 
for.  But  until  the  state  sees  to  it  that  all 
children  born  are  properly  reared,  fed, 
clothed,  housed,  and  given  equal  chances 
at  whatever  education  they  desire,  I  can 
not  imagine  that  the  state  has  any  right 
to  insist  that  they  be  born.  A  walk  through 
the  slums  and  factories  where  children  are 
allowed  to  develop  in  the  most  abominable 
surroundings  is  a  sufficient  reply  to  any 
pretensions  that  the  state  may  make  in  its 
attempts  to  regulate  these  matters.  The 
child  has  a  right  not  to  be  born  as  well  as 
to  be  well  born.  The  mere  fact  that 
women  can  conceive  without  any  desire 
to  do  so,  is  their  anatomical  misfortune. 
Not  even  the  present  liberal  governments 
will  undertake  to  require  any  male  citizen 


ABORTION  79 


to  beget  children  against  his  will,  and  for 
a  most  excellent  reason.  It  is  clear  on  our 
assumptions  that  woman  has  the  same 
right  even  though  she  may  not  be  pro- 
tected by  her  anatomical  construction  as 
is  the  male.  From  what  has  gone  before 
it  is  obvious  that  I  regard  the  procreation 
of  children  as  wholly  a  question  of  the 
woman's  desire.  Unless  she  so  desires 
there  are  to  be  no  children.  It  is  also  ob- 
vious from  assumptions  which  regard  the 
gratification  of  the  sexual  impulse  as  es- 
sential to  healthy  mental  and  physical 
development,  that  prevenception  is  not 
only  desirable  but  a  duty.  With  the  lift- 
ing of  the  absurd  ban  which  now  rests  on 
this  subject  we  may  expect  the  develop- 
ment of  safe,  esthetic  methods  which  will 
make  procreation  truly  voluntary  and  cor- 
respondingly ennobled. 

11.  Abortion, 

This  is  a  misfortune,  most  undesirable, 
but  not  a  crime.  Whether  or  not  a  woman 
is  to  bear  a  child  is  her  business  and  only 


80         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


in  a  most  indefinite  way  the  affair  of 
any  one  else.  I  can  not  recognize  the  right 
of  the  community  to  compel  a  woman  to 
bear  an  unwelcome  child.  I  do  not  see 
that  the  charge  of  murder  has  any  valid 
application.  Indeed  the  present  stupid 
laws  allow  the  destruction  of  a  child  whose 
further  development  would  endanger  the 
life  of  the  mother.  Nor  does  the  state 
hesitate  to  slaughter  adults  who  are 
thought  to  be  antisocial,  or  millions  of 
them,  in  war,  and  that  without  consulting 
them  as  to  what  they  think  about  it.  In 
the  face  of  which  it  is  difficult  to  see  where- 
in the  community  has  any  claims  on  the 
unborn.  I  believe,  therefore,  that  if  the 
woman  so  desires,  she  may  properly  de- 
mand an  abortion,  and  I  shall  not  object. 

On  the  other  hand,  I  do  not  approve 
abortion  and  would  make  it  unnecessary. 
It  is  clear  that  the  abortion  habit  is  unde- 
sirable from  any  point  of  view  and  we 
should  make  it  the  rare  thing  rather  than 
the  present  underhanded  custom.  To  the 
stock  objection  that  prevenception  and 


ABORTION  81 


abortion  lead  to  race  suicide  it  seems  a 
sufficient  answer  that  a  race  so  given  over 
to  self-indulgence  that  the  mother  instinct 
is  lost,  or  so  miserable  in  its  economic  life 
that  children  are  a  disaster,  can  not  perish 
too  quickly  from  the  face  of  the  earth.  The 
place  to  begin  reforming  is  not  with  these 
poor  maltreated  women  but  with  the  eco- 
nomic system.  Certainly  it  is  taking  a 
mean  advantage  of  the  helpless  unborn  to 
compel  their  entrance  into  a  society  as 
thoroughly  rotten  as  these  objections  im- 
ply. Those  women  who  do  not  want  chil- 
dren will  not  rear  a  child  properly,  and 
the  quicker  their  stock  is  eliminated,  why 
— ^the  better  for  those  who  adore  the  sanc- 
tity of  motherhood.  As  a  matter  of  fact 
we  do  not  find  many  women  in  whom  the 
maternal  instinct  is  weak  and  I  see  no  rea- 
son to  worry  about  them.  Since  we  can 
hardly  hope  to  establish  the  custom  of  exe- 
cuting all  childless  women,  say  at  the 
spring  rutting  festival  as  less  civilized 
tribes  might  well  do,  it  seems  better  to  let 
them  perish  naturally. 


82         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


12.  Prostitution.* 

This  ancient  plague  will  disappear  by 
becoming  unnecessary,  and  in  no  other 
way.  I  was  tempted  to  risk  a  bit  of  cheap 
cynicism  and  say — ^by  becoming  universal. 
For  while  that  is  not  at  all  my  idea,  nor 
does  it  represent  the  probable  develop- 
ment,  yet  to  the  orthodox,  the  sexophobes, 
those  changes  which  will  abolish  prostitu- 
tion will  seem  like  the  last  days  of  Sodom 
and  Gomorra.  Nevertheless  any  person 
who  takes  the  trouble  to  look  up  the  his- 
tory of  this  ancient  profession,  the  vari- 
ous  attempts  to  abolish  it,  and  then  look 
about  him  with  sympathetic  understand- 
ing will  reach  very  much  the  conclusion 
offered  above.  As  long  as  we  try  to  con- 
fine a  far  from  monogamous  animal  to  a 
legal  monogamy  there  will  remain  a  sur- 
plus of  sexual  urge  which  will  find  satis- 
faction somewhere.  Now  j  ust  where  is  the 

*  It  is  quite  an  education  for  anyone  to  try  to  define 
the  words  prostitute  and  prostitution.  They  have  not  yet 
been  defined  in  a  satisfactory  manner.  I  dodge  the  ques- 
tion as  to  what  is  the  essence  of.  prostitution. 


PROSTITUTION  83 


point  we  had  better  start  considering? 
The  solutions  attempted  thus  far  have 
had  only  one  purpose:  to  cripple  and  de* 
stroy  the  sexual  impulse.  The  result  is  a 
deformed  sexuality  which  whether  we  like 
it  or  not  finds  itself  prepared  to  offer 
those  inducements  which  produce  commer- 
cialized prostitution  as  well  as  the  clande- 
stine variety.  Even  a  slight  acquaintance 
with  Bloch's  Die  Prostitution  will  suffice 
to  convince  any  reasonable  person  that  all 
the  effort,  all  the  blood  and  cruelty  which 
were  spent  in  chivyipg  poor  whores  from 
one  jail  to  another,  or  from  one  slum  to 
another,  have  not  in  any  way  altered  the 
demand  or  the  method  of  meeting  it.  One 
learns  from  Bloch's  careful  book  that  the 
profession  has  not  changed  appreciably 
since  the  beginnings  of  historic  times. 
Even  the  slang  is  the  same.  The  Romans 
called  the  lowest  prostitutes  Denarias  and 
we  call  them  Jitneys.  The  part  of  the 
city  where  these  persons  settle  has  not 
changed.  And  the  difJ  erence  between  an- 
cient Rome  and  modern  Gotham  is  mere- 


84         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

ly  one  of  language.  The  Romans  had 
pimps,  we  have  chauffeurs,  and  the  reason 
our  chauffeurs  pimp  is  not  that  they 
prefer  the  occupation  but  because  we  pay 
them  well  for  doing  it,  pay  them  better 
than  for  anything  else  they  can  do  for  us. 
Suppression,  then,  does  not  seem  to  me  a 
hopeful  way  to  proceed. 

Admitting  at  once  that  I  sincerely  wish 
there  were  no  prostitutes  needed,  honesty 
compels  me  to  urge  that  we  cease  persecut- 
ing them.  Of  all  the  methods  of  regula- 
tion we  have  tried  we  have  never  tried 
treating  the  prostitute  as  a  human  being. 
We  might  try  that.  Give  them  the  right 
of  any  other  human  being  to  hve  by  his 
labor,  cease  this  hypocritical  social  ostra- 
cism, and  prostitution  will  change  both 
its  habitat  and  its  habits.  If  the  exploi- 
tation of  these  unfortunates  which  has  its 
origin  in  their  legal  and  social  disabilities 
were  eliminated  the  prostitute  would 
largely  disappear  as  a  focus  of  disease  and 
mother  of  the  underworld.  As  far  as  I 
can  see  the  only  interest  the  state  has  in 


PROSTITUTION  85 


the  prostitute  is  to  see  that  she  does  not 
spread  disease;  and  the  place  to  begin 
work  is  not  with  the  prostitute  but  with 
her  client.  Free  to  live  as  other  workers 
do  she  could  not  afford  to  be  diseased,  and 
she  does  not  prefer  to  be  so.  As  far  as  I 
know,  prostitutes  regard  themselves  as 
quite  as  honest  laborers  as  their  clients, 
nor  do  they  look  upon  their  life  as  more 
disreputable.  That  view  has  a  good  deal 
to  be  said  for  it.  It  is  delightfully  as  well 
as  tragically  ironic  to  see  the  same  men 
for  whom  the  prostitute  exists,  solemnly 
making  laws  to  abolish  her.  Nor  does 
the  prostitute  fail  to  see  the  humor  of  it, 
painful  as  the  results  of  such  legislation 
may  be  to  her  in  her  personal  fortunes. 

Under  present  conditions,  every  effort 
is  made  to  break  down  the  prostitute's 
self-respect,  to  put  her  at  a  social  and  legal 
disadvantage  for  no  other  reason  than  that 
under  such  disabilities  she  is  easier  ex- 
ploited by  her  fellow  citizens.  The  result 
can  only  be  degradation  and  an  antisocial 
grudge  which  makes  her  wholly  unwilling 


86         SEXUAL  ETHICS 


to  consider  her  social  duties  seriously.  Give 
her  the  right  over  her  own  body,  protect 
her  from  extortion  and  physical  abuse  and 
the  prostitute  would  lose  most  of  the  sinis- 
ter qualities  which  make  her  the  tragic  fig- 
ure she  has  always  been. 

Such  suggestions  may  seem  extreme  to 
those  who  have  not  considered  the  matter 
in  its  historical  or  hirnian  aspect.  Never- 
theless it  is  along  some  such  path  that  we 
must  move  if  we  are  not  to  be  overwhelmed 
with  the  offal  of  our  own  iniquities.  Sup- 
pressive measures  have  been  tried,  even 
the  death  penalty  was  invoked,  and  the  re- 
sult has  been  merely  to  make  matters 
worse.  On  the  other  hand,  a  loosening  of 
our  too  rigid  limitations  on  the  sex  im- 
pulse as  suggested  in  the  preceding  para- 
graphs will  render  the  prostitute  unneces- 
sary and  ultimately  extinct,  while  there 
will  grow  up  a  regime  based  on  the  frank 
recognition  of  sexual  necessity  where  men 
and  women  meet  on  a  basis  of  comraderie 
and  equality  which  leaves  no  need  for  the 
professional  prostitute,  but  substitutes  for 


ILLEGITIMATE  CHILDREN  87 


her  the  woman  who  gives  freely  when  she 
loves  and  not  at  all  otherwise.  I  am  con- 
fident that  in  a  generation  of  such  freedom 
we  would  see  not  only  the  disappearance 
of  the  prostitute  but  the  establishment  of 
infinitely  more  happy  homes,  happy  be- 
cause coercion  has  no  place  in  them,  happy 
because  they  could  only  be  maintained  on 
a  basis  of  mutual  respect  and  thoughtful- 
ness.  Meanwhile  if  you  can  do  nothing 
else,  you  can  drop  that  dornick  you  have 
concealed  under  the  folds  of  your  toga. 
You  have  no  right  to  throw  it.  Neither 
have  I. 

18.     Illegitimate  Childeen. 

One  wonders  at  the  limited  understand- 
ing of  those  who  assert  that  there  can  be 
anything  holy  or  even  serious  about  mar- 
riage except  the  possible  children.  And 
for  folks  to  prate  about  their  Christianity 
and  of  brotherhood,  and  then  tolerate, 
nay,  even  defend  our  treatment  of  these 
unfortunate  children,  puzzles  one  as  well 
as  tempts  to  invective.  I  would  not  argue 


88         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

with  the  theologues,  but  I  can  not  recall 
in  any  version  that  the  beautiful  saying  of 
Jesus:  "Suffer  the  little  children  to  come 
unto  me'*  had  also  the  qualifying  clause; 
"that  is,  all  who  can  show  the  duly  certified 
marriage  license  of  their  parents."  And 
indeed  the  church  does  not  deny  the  possi- 
bility that  an  illegitimate  child  might  enter 
into  heaven  even  if  it  does  tolerate  con- 
ventions which  make  the  bastard's  life  on 
earth  very  much  like  the  other  place. 

There  is  a  common  notion  that  the 
grounds  for  the  distinction  between  legit- 
imate and  "natural"  children  are  to  be 
found  in  religion.  Everything  to  which 
the  stigma  of  "sin"  can  be  attached  is  sup- 
posed to  originate  in  revelation,  though 
the  distinction  with  which  we  are  here  con- 
cerned has  its  origin  and  being  in  purely 
economic  causes.  It  is  not  to  violated 
sacraments,  nor  sin,  but  to  economics  that 
we  owe  this  most  unreasonable  of  iniqui- 
ties. Naturally  the  laws  were  made  by 
men  for  the  usual  purpose  of  escaping 
from  the  responsibilities  for  their  passions* 


ILLEGITIMATE  CHILDREN  89 


And  the  women  have  aided  and  abetted 
this  crime  because  they  feared  inroads  up- 
on the  perquisites  of  their  own  usually 
legitimate  offspring.  I  suppose  the  idea 
that  there  is  religious  justification  for 
this  persecution  of  the  helpless  arises  from 
the  quite  definite  notion  of  most  folks  that 
religion  is  chiefly  concerned  with  persecu- 
tion of  one  sort  or  another. 

And  of  all  the  absurdities!  It  has  even 
been  necessary  to  gather  statistics  to  prove 
that  the  illegitimate  child  was  like  any 
legitimate  child.  Mentally  and  physically 
they  are  like  other  children  whether  we 
would  have  it  so  or  not.  Spiritually  they 
show  in  some  measure,  though  really  iu 
surprisingly  minor  degree,  rather  less 
warm  social  feelings  than  others.  That 
they  are  not  violently  anti-social  is  the 
only  astonishing  thing  about  them.  When 
we  consider  the  treatment  which  they  re- 
ceive one  is  amazed  that  they  ever  respond 
to  social  requirements.  To  be  constantly 
shamed  for  what  one  can  not  help,  to  be 
sneered  at,  whispered  about,  to  be  always 


90         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

the  butt  of  those  little  social  ostracisms 
which  humanity  so  delights  to  inflict,  as 
though  one  were  somehow  unclean:  surely 
there  are  grounds  enough  to  excuse  quite 
a  bit  of  resentment.  And  yet  the  statistics 
do  not  show  that  these  children  are  any 
worse,  judged  by  their  court  records,  than 
legitimate  children  of  the  same  economic 
environment. 

Socially  these  poor  kiddies  are  shown  no 
mercy.  I  can  still  hear  my  schoolmates 
shrieking:  "Bastard,  bastard!"  at  a  poor 
little  girl  huddled  against  that  high-board 
school  fence,  crying  her  eyes  out.  Yes, 
and  the  children  learned  that  attitude  from 
the  sneers  of  their  elders!  I  further  tes- 
tify that  that  particular  girl  grew  up,  lived 
a  somewhat  promiscuous  life  until  she 
married  a  saloonkeeper  (she  married 
young)  and  became  one  of  the  most  com- 
petent mothers  I  have  ever  known.  No, 
she  did  not  repent  and  "get  religion,"  she 
merely  found  some  one  whom  she  could 
love. 

And  so  one  is  tempted  to  approve  of 


ILLEGITIMATE  CHILDREN  91 


abortion,  or  even  infanticide  rather  than 
permit  a  poor  little  baby  to  grow  up  to 
face  the  persecution  which  our  Christian 
civilization  will  inflict  upon  it.  Is  it  not 
strange  that  we  do  so  cry  out  upon  the 
illegitimate  child  and  yet  penalize  the  cir- 
culation of  prevenceptive  information? 
And  Americans  are  such  practical  persons 
too. 

I  often  wonder  what  folks  mean  when 
they  say  motherhood  is  sacred.  Is  it?  And 
if  it  is  what  makes  it  so?  For  if  the  man 
can  be  induced,  or  forced,  to  marry  the 
woman  at  any  time  before  delivery,  or 
even  after,  then  is  the  child  legitimate  and 
everything  is  lovely.  Does  the  sanctity  of 
motherhood  depend  on  the  signing  of  pa- 
pers which  vary  with  every  nation,  state, 
and  county?  I  have  never  known  a  County 
Clerk  who  seemed  to  me  to  be  a  particu- 
larly holy  person,  and  I  confess  that  ad- 
ministering the  "sacrament"  to  the  unwil- 
ling bridegroom  at  the  point  of  a  pistol 
seems  to  me  a  rather  odd  bit  of  ritual. 

There  are  some  signs  of  improvement. 


92         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

The  Scandinavian  law  which  makes  the 
father  responsible  is  a  step  in  the  right 
direction.  And  the  provision  whereby  in 
the  absence  of  positive  proof  as  to  the  ac- 
tual father,  all  possible  fathers  are  taxed 
pro  rata  is  a  wise  way  of  eliminating  that 
iniquitous  defence  used  by  men. 

The  problem  is  not  at  all  concerned  with 
the  parents.  The  bastard  is  no  worse  off 
than  the  son  of  a  widow.  The  State  may 
well  concentrate  its  attention  on  seeing  to 
it  that  every  child  born  receives  an  equal 
chance  to  develop  into  a  healthy  and  wise 
human  being.  That  is  a  task  which  the 
state  can  do  something  about.  I  am  not 
afraid  that  the  endowment  of  motherhood 
will  be  the  signal  for  our  women  to  plunge 
into  a  saturnalia  of  vice  and  indiscrimi- 
nate breeding  headed  straight  for  the  ever- 
lasting bonfire.  The  answer  to  that  fear 
— commonest  among  men  and  childless 
women — ^is  to  hope  that  the  timid  objector 
might  somehow  be  so  transformed  that  he 
might  bear  just  one  child. 

The  only  practical  solution  is  the  en- 


THE  HOME  «3 


dowment  of  motherhood.  The  State 
should  see  to  it  that  every  child  born  has 
equal  opportunities  to  develop  into  the 
best  possible  citizen.  For  the  rest  we  had 
better  examine  our  ideas  about  the  sanc- 
tity of  motherhood  and  make  sure  that 
they  are  concerned  as  they  should  be  with 
the  environment  of  the  mother  and  child 
instead  of  with  mere  scraps  of  paper  I 
care  not  how  many  clerks'  and  ministers' 
signatures,  or  how  many  revenue  stamps 
may  be  unon  them, 

14.   The  Home. 

Whenever  anyone  goes  about  to  sug- 
gest improvements  in  the  relations  be- 
tween the  sexes  some  misguided  person  is 
certain  to  reply  that  any  change  in  our 
conventions  will  destroy  the  home.  Now 
that  would  be  a  very  real  disaster  if  it 
were  true.  But  I  can  not  but  wonder 
sometimes  whether  these  champions  of  the 
home  have  really  any  idea  of  what  a  home 
is  or  what  it  ought  to  be.  Certainly  if 
they  would  analyze  the  influences  now 


94         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

working  on  the  home,  they  would  appear 
as  crusaders  in  fields  quite  removed  from 
sex.  And  I  must  also  suspect  that  they 
are  none  too  clear  as  to  just  what  they 
are  trying  to  save,  nor  perhaps  always 
disinterested  in  their  motives.  The  woman 
who  is  so  deficient  in  self-respect  that  she 
marries  a  man  merely  for  a  meal-ticket 
and  there  are  quite  a  few  such,  is  naturally 
going  to  be  dismayed  at  the  suggestion  of 
any  change  which  would  allow  the  mis- 
guided male  to  rid  himself  of  a  parasite. 
And  there  are  several  men  who  do  not 
seem  to  be  much  interested  in  the  "sanc- 
tity" of  the  home,  if  one  may  judge  by 
their  conduct  with  clandestine  and  other 
prostitutes,  who  develop  a  good  deal  of 
heat  in  defending  the  home — even  though 
the  thought  is  near  that  to  such  a  man 
home  is  a  place  to  sleep  and  eat  and  where 
he  has  one  woman  whom  he  need  not  treat 
with  respect  because  she  can  not  get  free 
of  him.  I  sometimes  feel  that  the  most 
violent  defenders  of  "the  home"  are  those 
who  have  little  claim  to  have  one.  But  all 


THE  HOME  05 


of  us,  yes,  even  those  who  can  propound 
any  such  doctrines  as  I  have  here  sug- 
gested, are  quite  seriously  concerned  about 
the  home,  though  not  perhaps  just  the 
kind  of  home  our  opponents  have  in  mind. 

One  needs  very  little  of  the  results  of 
study  in  child-psychology  to  see  that  the 
home  is  indeed  the  most  important  factor 
in  a  man*s  life.  And  with  that  in  view  one 
does  not  readily  countenance  the  present 
status  of  the  home,  nor  the  age-old  abuses 
which  have  crept  into  that  hallowed  insti- 
tution. And  the  more  one  sees  and  studies 
the  problem  the  more  dismal  appears  the 
outlook  for  the  institution  as  we  cherish 
it  in  memory.  A  visit  to  any  vaudeville 
house — and  we  have  the  very  highest  social 
precedent  for  frequenting  them! — or  a 
review  of  popular  fiction  or  song  should 
convince  anyone  that  the  home  is  rapidly 
falling  into  contempt.  Not  because  rad- 
icals are  preaching  pernicious  doctrines, — 
no  worthy  institution  was  ever  hurt  by  an 
opposition  doctrine, — ^but  because  the 
home  has  almost  ceased  to  have  any  real 


96         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

function  in  our  industrial  world.  It  seems 
to  me  that  we  are  rapidly  approaching,  if 
indeed  we  have  not  already  arrived  at,  the 
breakdown  of  the  old  ideals  which  we  as- 
sociated with  the  home.  If  this  is  true  it 
is  not  the  fault  of  agitators  but  of  the  home 
itself.  And  the  forces  which  have  brought 
this  about  are  not  primarily  sexual  nor 
will  the  cure  be  a  matter  of  more  stringent 
sex  laws.  That  was  tried  in  Rome — with 
what  success  we  all  know.  It  seems  to  me 
time  to  quit  screaming  for  the  police  and 
take  an  inventory  of  the  things  which  a 
home  should  contain  and  then  see  how 
much  if  any  of  these  can  be  secured  under 
present  social  conditions.  It  may  happen 
that  we  will  have  to  do  our  reforming  with 
the  social  system  rather  than  our  sexual 
morality.  It  is  not  my  intent  to  do  more 
than  indicate  a  few  of  the  defects  of  the 
home  and  some  reasons  why  I  believe  that 
an  improved  code  of  sexual  ethics  will  not 
only  not  injure  but  will  actually  tend  to 
foster  good  homes. 

However  much  we  may  delude  our* 


THE  HOME  97 


selves  as  to  the  existence  of  homes  in  this 
country,  I  venture  to  assert  that  except  in 
the  rural  district  and  in  some  villages  the 
institution  we  have  in  mind  when  we  sing 
*'Home  Sweet  Home'*  has  ceased  to  exist. 
The  cause  closely  parallels  that  other  good 
song,  "My  Country,  'Tis  of  Thee."  With 
the  ideal  of  the  latter  song  I  am  suffi- 
ciently in  agreement,  but  literally  it  is  not 
altogether  applicable.  "Land  where  my 
fathers  died;"  well,  no,  not  exactly.  They 
didn't  die  out  in  Indiana,  but  over  in  the 
north  of  England  and  some  perhaps  lent 
aid  and  comfort  to  the  enemy  that  is,  to 
England  during  the  Revolution.  And 
some  perhaps  were  hung  for  sheep  steal- 
ing. I  do  not  know  this  to  be  true,  but  it 
is  entirely  possible.  In  any  event  the 
phrase  which  is  meant  to  awaken  my  pa- 
triotic ardor  by  an  appeal  to  my  fathers 
does  not  seem  to  fit  the  case.  There  must 
be  several  other  American  citizens  who 
feel  the  same  way  about  it. 

Now  in  a  quite  similar  way  Home  Sweet 
Home  refers  to  the  family  homestead,  the 


98         SEXUAL  ETHICS 

old  place  which  has  always  been  the  seat 
of  the  family,  and  not  by  any  stretch  of 
imagination  to  apartment  666  in  the  Fly- 
bynight  Apartment  House;  or  was  it  a 
few  rooms  over  a  feed  store  which  you, 
gentle  reader,  are  expected  to  enthuse 
over?  In  other  words,  the  home  in  the 
sense  that  it  gives  an  idea  of  permanence, 
a  place  where  the  individual  has  roots 
firmly  inbedded  in  the  soil,  is  no  longer 
extant  and  has  not  been  for  some  time. 
Ownership  and  permanence  are  funda- 
mental to  the  homing  instinct.  This  fact 
is  curiously  borne  out  by  Healy's  studies 
of  delinquent  children,  where  frequent 
change  of  residence  is  an  appreciable  fac- 
tor in  so  breaking  up  the  child's  emotional 
roots  as  to  leave  him  really  a  wanderer. 
And  for  ourselves,  not  yet  delinquent  per- 
haps, there  is  no  place  to  which  we  can  look 
back  with  any  great  affection.  We  may 
have  been  very  happy  in  our  parents,  but 
that  is  the  only  tie.  We  did  not  grow  up 
naturally  among  friends,  we  shifted  our 
friends  with  each  remove  and  ultimately 


THE  HOME  99 


came  to  rely  mostly  upon  ourselves  since 
the  ties  which  long  friendship  establishes 
had  no  opportunity  to  form. 

Then  too,  there  are  other  directions  in 
which  our  economic  system  has  broken 
down  that  group  of  associations  which  are 
a  part  of  the  "home/*  There  was  a  time 
when  mother  and  the  girls  wove  the  cloth 
from  wool  from  my  sheep  and  made  it  into 
my  Sunday  suit.  I  do  not  desire  to  revert 
to  homespun,  but  please  note  that  there  is 
a  difference  between  such  a  suit  and  one 
purchased  at  a  bargain  sale.  And  it  mat- 
ters quite  a  bit  whether  mother  prepared 
that  special  dish  of  which  I  was  so  child- 
ishly fond,  or  whether  the  hired  girl  made 
it.  And  in  how  many  modern  homes,  es- 
pecially in  the  city,  is  a  child  turned  over 
to  a  negro  nurse  (not  infrequently  syphil- 
ized  at  that),  while  mother  attends  her 
social  duties?  Or,  if  mother  works,  the 
children  must  be  farmed  out  at  a  day  nur- 
sery or  on  the  street.  Now  I  am  far  from 
asserting  that  the  more  primitive  and 
therefore  presumably  more  natural  negro 


100       SEXUAL  ETHICS 

girl  is  not  as  good  a  nurse  as  many 
mothers,  but  the  fact  is  that  the  child's  ear- 
liest associations  and  by  far  the  most  im- 
portant ones  are  developed  around  a  girl 
of  alien  race. 

Every  school  teacher  knows  that  she  is 
expected  to  teach  not  only  the  three  Rs, 
but  also  etiquette,  morals,  and  keep  the 
children  herded  out  of  mother's  way.  And 
in  return  the  teacher  receives  perhaps  less 
than  janitor's  wages!  As  one  teacher 
shrewdly  remarked  after  a  meeting  of  the 
"Home  and  School  Association:"  ''It  does 
not  seem  to  occur  to  any  of  these  people 
that  the  home  also  has  duties."  It  is  amaz- 
ing what  proposals  are  brought  before 
these  meetings.  And  so  one  might  go  on 
to  show  the  innumerable  ways  in  which 
our  vicious  economic  system  has  disinte- 
grated the  home.  It  will  be  found  that  it 
is  not  laxity  of  morals,  nor  irreverence,  but 
mere  economic  necessity  which  has  taken 
everything  out  of  the  home  but  the  par- 
ents, and  in  the  case  of  the  less  successful 
both  parents  and  children  are  dragged  out 


THE  HOME  101 


and  chained  to  the  wheels  of  industry.  The 
levity  which  so  alarms  the  pious  is  not  a 
cause  but  a  symptom  and  if  they  would 
sincerely  undertake  to  improve  matters 
they  would  do  better  to  worry  less  about 
their  neighbor's  peccadilloes  and  more 
about  their  own  unearned  incomes.  For 
the  wife  who  does  not  work,  but  has  a  maid 
do  it  all,  is  in  a  rather  weak  position  in 
such  an  argument,  quite  as  is  the  man  who 
produces  nothing  but  grafts  his  living  off 
exchange  in  one  form  or  another. 

It  seems  improbable  that  any  good  can 
come  from  a  panic  stricken  flight  towards 
the  old  Puritan  household.  Nor  can  we 
expect  repressive  legislation  to  help.  If 
we  really  wish  to  do  anything  about  it  we 
will  have  to  decide  what  constitutes  a 
home,  and  how  much  of  that  can  be  ob- 
tained from  men  and  women  who  are  poli- 
tically and  economically  equals  and  free. 
For  the  future  belongs  to  just  such  per- 
sons and  force  will  help  us  not  a  bit.  We 
face  the  questions:  What  is  a  proper 
home?    How  can  we  best  secure  such? 


102       SEXUAL  ETHICS 

How  can  we  maintain  them  once  they  are 
established? 

As  to  the  last  question,  we  have  so  far 
followed  the  ancient  error  in  supposing 
that  if  the  parents  were  definitely  chained 
together  a  home  would  result.  Unfortu- 
nately it  is  more  often  a  hell.  It  should  be 
clear  that  the  direction  of  progress — some 
will  call  it  degeneration,  but  for  all  that  it 
is  the  direction  we  are  going  and  will  con- 
tinue to  go — ^lies  toward  complete  freedom 
of  the  pair  to  separate.  We  are  going  to 
cease  requiring  that  people  who  merely 
desire  each  other's  society  must  chain 
themselves  permanently  together.  We 
are  going  to  cease  leaving  the  question  of 
children  entirely  to  chance  and  ignorance. 
We  will  insist,  that  unless  the  pair  in  ques- 
tion wish  children  they  shall  not  have  them. 
It  is  the  undesired  child  which  is  deserted; 
where  children  are  desired  the  parents  will 
stand  by  without  compulsion. 

And  so  the  answer  to  the  second  ques- 
tion seems  to  me  to  lie  in  allowing  much 
greater  freedom  of  choice  than  is  now  pos- 


THE  HOME  103 


sible  and  more  opportunity  for  attend- 
ance at  the  only  school  in  which  we  mor- 
tals ever  learn  anything — that  of  trial  and 
error  and  trial  again.  First  let  us  be  sure 
the  pair  can  really  tolerate  each  other. 
Then  if  they  desire  children  let  the  com- 
munity see  to  it  that  such  children  have  a 
real  chance  to  survive.  That  means  that 
food,  shelter,  and  opportunities  for  both 
education  and  play  must  be  assured  to 
each  person  in  the  community.  The  result 
will  be  happy  homes,  the  goal  sought. 

One  hears  a  good  deal  about  the  unwil- 
lingness of  the  modern  woman  to  bear 
children.  Such  talk  is  rank  nonsense. 
There  are  women  who  do  not  wish  chil- 
dren, and  we  put  a  premium  on  them  by 
giving  them  rewards  which  the  maternal 
type  of  woman  is  denied.  But  because 
such  childless  women  are  always  rather 
noisily  "among  those  present"  does  not 
mean  that  the  maternal  instinct  has  died 
out.  And  we  ought  to  realize  that  the 
present  economic  system  by  making  chil- 
dren a  disaster  rather  than  an  asset  is  cer- 


104       SEXUAL  ETHICS 

tainly  not  encouraging  parenthood  in 
either  sex.  Any  physician  knows  that  the 
urge  toward  motherhood  is  the  most  vig- 
orous and  awe-inspiring  impulse  with 
which  he  comes  in  contact.  When  we  see 
to  what  lengths  women  will  go,  what  tor- 
tures they  will  endure  in  order  to  have 
children  of  their  own,  a  real  man  steps 
reverently  aside  and  allows  the  woman  to 
decide  whether,  when,  and  to  whom  she 
shall  bear  children.  There  is  nothing  like 
it  in  the  male  psyche  and  those  who  have 
any  realization  of  the  actual  facts  are  not 
worried  about  the  decay  of  the  mother  in- 
stinct. What  does  worry  him  is  the  fact 
that  children  born  have  so  little  chance  of 
a  healthy  rearing. 

And  it  is  also  probably  true  of  those  re- 
latively rare  women  who  ''hate  children" 
that  it  is  our  own  fault  they  are  so  de- 
formed. In  our  panicky  efforts  to  keep 
our  girls  "pure"  until  marriage  and  that 
at  an  age  far  beyond  that  which  nature 
carelessly  set  for  the  event,  we  instill  into 
the  girl's  mind  the  blasphemous  ideas  that 


THE  HOME  105 


sex  is  filthy,  nasty,  unfit  for  a  girl  to  know 
about.  And  in  extreme  pathological  cases 
even  the  baby  is  hated  because  it  is  asso- 
ciated with  ^'horrid  sex"  practices.  That 
may  be  purity,  but  if  so :  "Come  down  and 
redeem  us  from  virtue!"  And  even  in  the 
average  case  our  miseducation  makes  it  al- 
most impossible  for  the  woman  to  view  sex 
naturally  and  reverently,  to  be  approached 
with  joyous  enthusiasm.  Would  it  per- 
haps be  better  if  we  taught  our  children 
of  both  sexes  to  look  upon  the  impulse  nat- 
urally, for  what  it  is,  and  to  exercise  it 
with  the  same  honest  enthusiasm  with 
which  we  take  food? 

Of  course,  when  we  look  about  us  at  the 
cynical  sensual  faces  of  our  fellows  we 
wonder  just  how  much  capacity  and  un- 
derstanding they  may  have  for  the  ideals 
and  beauties  of  this  tremendous  impulse. 
And  we  invariably  conclude  that  while  we 
ourselves  would  do  very  well,  any  change 
in  our  present  restrictive  code  would  evoke 
a  saturnalia  of  vice.  I  believe  this  conclu- 
sion is  fundamentally  false.  No  man  will 


106       SEXUAL  ETHICS 

abandon  a  mate  who  meets  his  require* 
ments,  nor  will  a  woman  desert  a  compe* 
tent  husband.  If  we  are  degraded  it  is 
because  we  have  tried  to  kill,  not  to  edu- 
cate this  impulse.  Every  normal  man 
wants  a  mate,  home,  and  children,  and  is 
indeed  driven  to  try  for  them  even  under 
the  present  conditions.  But  how  we  can 
expect  this  to  take  place  successfully  un- 
der our  present  laws  which  stake  all  upon 
a  chance  meeting  is  beyond  my  under- 
standing. Neither  partner  knows  exactly 
what  he  wants  until  afterwards  and  we, 
as  if  to  make  sure  of  failure,  carefully 
miseducate  both  parties.  It  may  be  a  very 
shocking  idea,  perhaps,  but  one  wonders  if 
it  would  improve  matters  if  we  made  ado- 
lescence, what  it  naturally  is,  the  time  for 
trying  out  mates  and  for  finding  one's 
self.  Given  proper  prevenceptive  meth- 
ods, and  an  education  which  emphasized 
the  nobility  of  the  sex  impulse,  it  is  not 
impossible  that  such  a  try-out  period 
would  result  in  an  enormously  greater 
number  of  happy  homes,  not  because  the 


THE  HOME  107 


laws  chained  them  together,  but  because 
they  loved  one  another — a  rather  stronger 
bond.  In  fact  a  similar  condition  did  ob- 
tain among  our  more  primitive  ancestors, 
and  vestiges  of  it  are  still  to  be  found  in 
Great  Britain  and  less  "civilized"  parts  of 
Europe.  Not  that  I  would  counsel  any- 
fond  parent  to  put  this  idea  into  practice 
just  now,  since  the  girl  would  be  ostracized 
and  subjected  to  a  continuous  process  of 
degradation  by  her.  more  virtuous  (mas- 
turbating?) sisters.  And  why  will  she  be 
thus  cast  out  and  degraded?  Because  she 
has  sinned?  Certainly  not.  The  reason 
is  simply  that  if  her  self-respect  can  be 
broken  down  men  can  easily  exploit  her 
necessities  for  the  benefit  of  their  selfish 
lusts,  avoiding  thereby  any  responsibility. 
And  the  women  will  foolishly  abet  them 
in  this  hideous  cruelty.  But  it  should  be 
remembered  that  this  cruelty  results  from 
quite  other  reasons  than  the  total  depra- 
vity of  the  human  heart.  Among  others 
it  rests  upon  the  attempt  to  make  men 
monogamous  by  law  rather  than  by  love. 


108        SEXUAL  ETHICS 

However,  whether  such  a  mating  season 
will  come  back  again  is  rather  beyond  our 
present  possible  actions,  and  yet  is  worth 
several  thoughts  while  we  are  looking  for 
methods  of  saving  the  home. 

Conclusion. 

Looking  over  what  I  have  written  I 
fear  I  will  be  suspected  of  advocating  an 
utterly  anarchic  sexual  life;  yet  that  is 
not  my  idea  at  all.  I  do  feel  that  we  are 
much  too  bound  by  convention  and  not 
half  enough  guided  by  conscious  knowl- 
edge. It  seems  that  a  great  deal  more 
experience  and  freedom  to  experiment  is 
needed  if  we  are  ever  to  approach  our 
ideal  of  a  sane  healthy  love  life  and  of  a 
real  home  fit  for  children  to  be  bom  into. 
We  have  so  long  been  blundering  around 
in  the  valley  of  ignorance  dragging  the 
shackles  of  a  perverted  eroticism,  instead 
of  educating  it,  that  I  feel  that  a  great 
deal  more  freedom  will  be  needed  before 
any  improvement  can  occur.  I  really  be* 
lieve  in  a  home  finer  than  any  we  have  jret 


CONCLUSION  109 


achieved  because  it  will  be  based  upon  a 
conscious  and  illuminated  love  life.  I  can 
not  believe  these  ideals  can  be  achieved 
under  conventions  which  rest  upon  an  as- 
cetic defiance  of  the  natural  laws,  upon 
property  rights,  and  upon  the  malice  and 
meannesses  which  our  ignorance  stimu- 
lates. 

I  believe  these  things  which  we  desire 
can  be  had  only  in  a  state  of  complete  free- 
dom and  equality  of  both  sexes,  not  only 
socially  but  psychically.  I  demand  a  rela- 
tion where  each  cherishes  the  other  because 
he  wishes  to  and  where  impertinence  and 
imposition  are  impossible.  And  if  this  is 
to  be  attempted,  we  must  elevate — or  de- 
grade, if  you  prefer — our  standards  of 
judgment  so  that  mere  physical  contacts 
are  not  the  sole  criteria  of  excellence.  We 
should  teach  the  young  of  both  sexes  to 
respect  this  impulse,  instead  of  smirching 
it.  And  then  we  should  set  them  free  to 
make  their  lives  as  nearly  worthy  as  they 
may  be  able. 

As  to  the  law,  the  State:  I  believe  that 


110        SEXUAL  ETHICS 

the  less  it  meddles  with  emotional  matters 
the  better.  It  will  be  doing  very  well  if  it 
concerns  itself  with  the  unsolved  problem 
of  economic  justice.  The  spirit  will  do  its 
part  if  the  living  conditions  are  not  made 
the  intolerable  cut-throat  game  we  now 
tolerate. 

Nor  do  I  fear  that  removing  the  present 
restrictive  laws  will  initiate  an  orgy  of 
licentiousness  which  will  destroy  our  civ- 
ihzation.  Parenthetically  I  must  ask 
whether  any  one  is  so  very  sure  our  civili- 
zation is  really  worth  preserving.  I  am 
open  on  this  point,  but  I  confess  that  I 
would  rather  not  have  to  defend  the  afRr- 
mative  thesis.  What  does  concern  us  is 
that  strait  jacket  methods  have  not  pro- 
duced anything  worthy  or  beautiful  unless 
we  are  to  assume  that  stoning  prophets 
is  the  most  desirable  form  of  spiritual  pro- 
paganda. For  the  ideals  we  seek  grow 
from  within  outward  in  response  to  the 
warm  spiritual  rays  of  the  sun  of  love. 
They  can  not  be  implanted  or  cultivated 


CONCLUSION  111 

by  force  and  coercion.  For  as  long  as  we 
are  hungry,  as  long  as  we  are  envious, 
these  ideals  can  exist  only  as  mocking 
shadows. 


THE  END 


